


Homage for the Suffering

by apollogirl7



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, F/M, Fatherhood, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Motherhood, Overworking, Pregnancy, Romance, Teen Pregnancy, Violence, Work In Progress, beruani - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-07 06:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4253652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollogirl7/pseuds/apollogirl7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While still in Warrior training, the higher ups set up new programs for their cadets.  Injections to make their titan forms stronger and titan hybrid reproduction.  Only it’s not optional who gets placed where.  Bertholdt and Annie must now find a way to survive not only for themselves but for their child.</p><p>Chapters Edited to Fit Canon as of June 2017!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Newly Edited June 2017 to Fit Canon

The blond girl jogged to meet up with the large group in the courtyard.  It was just minutes before supper, and already Annie’s stomach growled in anticipation.  _Hopefully this won’t take too long_ , she thought, clutching the fabric of her shirt.  Over the buildings surrounding her, the sun still sprayed some light.  The colors on the bricks nearly matched that of her hair.

Searching the crowd for a place to stand or a familiar face, Annie spotted the tallest person she knew.  Towering over the heads of the other “warriors” Bertholdt stood.  Next to him, Annie could make out the muscular build of Reiner, Bertholdt’s and her best friend.

“Hey!” she called, pushing past annoyed girls and boys.  Not many refused her advance.  Annie was known for being a bit rough and was seen as someone to avoid conflict with.  She could kick anyone’s ass, even Reiner’s. 

Reiner heard her first, turning from his view of the main building in front of them.  He grinned and leaned into Bertholdt’s shoulder, nudging him.  “Look, it’s your girlfriend, Berty.”

Bertl turned, his face bright red, and sweat dripping down to his chin.  “She’s not my girlfriend,” he mumbled.  “And don’t call me Berty!”

Reiner laughed, but ignored Bertholdt’s outburst to greet their shorter counterpart.  “Hello, Annie.”  Annie socked Reiner’s arm in greeting and he winced.  She looked up –  way up – to give Bertholdt a small smile. 

“Do either of you know why we’ve been called here?”

Both boys shrugged and Annie sighed.  It wasn’t like this was common.  Most meetings like this meant something big for the titan shifters in Marley.  Being a titan shifter could go only one way after all - bad.  You go to battle and return a victor, or you get eaten so your titan could be passed on without using up the Marleyan ruler’s time.  It was an honor, or at least that’s what all the prospective shifters were taught.  This was the only way an Eldian could make it in a world of Marleyans. 

Annie shivered at the thought of how their lives previously were.  Poor, uneducated, and treated like scum.  All this simply because of birthright.  All because of the betrayal done by their ancestors. The disrespectful Eldians who tried to fight against humans.  The same Eldians that were banished to Paradis to hide behind walls.  The Eldians that routinely get turned into mindless beasts for acts of treason.  If they didn’t exist, maybe the world would be a better place.  Titans shouldn’t exist. 

At least, that’s what Annie and her friends were taught from the day they arrived to transform into warriors.  Somehow, she wasn’t sure she bought it.  How bad could the humans behind the walls be if they were there and the rest of humanity here?

Wall Maria was but a hop, skip, and jump across the ocean from the current titan shifter territory and Marylan towns.  Yet they never figured that out after so many years.  The enemy was right on top of them the whole time.  Although, it wasn’t like these young adults chose to be shifting monsters.  No, that was forced on them from a young age with sharp needles, chemicals, and torture.  Control was the key to conquer them. 

Annie suddenly cringed. She remembered those days, the ones after her father practically abandoned her for the war.  The only thing she had of him was martial arts training and a cold heart. 

 _Not completely cold_ , she reminded herself.  _The only way to go completely cold is to lose my humanity.  I can’t let them take that from me._

A crackle echoed through the courtyard to get their attention.  All chatter stopped instantly. Not a toe out of line.  “Greetings,” a mysterious voice boomed.  “This is a special night for all of you.”

Annie took a step forward so she had Bertholdt on her left and Reiner on her right.  It was nerve racking enough standing between them; she did not want to stand alone.

“Those of you standing here have been selected for new research in hopes of stronger warfare.  The first being a muscle enhancer for your titan forms.  Only a select few will undergo this new procedure.  Your names will be listed on the first page posted on the dining room doors.”  Annie and Bertholdt both looked to Reiner.  He already possessed the power of the Armored Titan, and it was hard to imagine any more muscle on his form.

“The second group will be sent on an endurance mission to test longevity of titan shifting under a new chemical compound.  This list will be on the second page of the doors.”  There was an extended pause and mutters could be heard over the silence.  It sounded like arguing.  As if these people had morals to argue about.  Finally the voice returned.  “The last group will be put into male and female pairs.  You will be expected to produce a hybrid titan offspring.  We have been very selective as to who will be undergoing this task, choosing only those who we feel have compatible powers.  The names will be listed on the last page on the doors.  As you were.”

Annie couldn’t move.  Amongst her were murmurs.  Many distraught faces peered around, trying to decipher who would be getting prodded with needles or prodded with…Annie shook her head. Would they make the pairs have sex? 

And babies?  These were all teens, ranging from 14 to 17 years old.  And even some as young as 10 were getting their first rounds of shots.  What place did Warriors have making children when there was a war to be fought?

“We should probably go check that list, huh?” Reiner pulled Annie from her thoughts and yanked on Bertholdt’s arm.  “Besides, I’m starving.”

Annie gagged, her appetite long gone.  She didn’t want to see where her name was placed.  All this training, and selection, and pain for what?  She had the honor of processing the Female Titan powers, what more could these people want of them?

By the time the trio reached the dining hall, the crowd had dissipated from the large doors.  Three white sheets of paper hung, one per door.  Immediately Reiner went to the third list, muttering something about getting laid.  Annie ignored him, shaking her head and marching to the first list, Bertholdt on her tail.  Scanning the list, Annie felt her stomach drop.  Her name was not there.

_No muscle enhancing.  That’s okay, my titan can go for hours.  Maybe they can make me better…_

She moved to the second door and rolled her eyes over the names.  Nothing.  She felt her head begin to sway.  This couldn’t be happening. 

_After all I’ve done!_

At the third list, Annie reluctantly looked over every pairing from bottom to top.  There at the top were two names.

Annie Leonhardt and Bertholdt Fubar.


	2. Don't Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a little different than the chapters I posted on fanfiction or tumblr (because I actually bothered to edit my chapters before putting them on here). Hope you like it nonetheless.
> 
> Edited June 2017

            “Bert, come on.” Reiner leaned against the storage room door, sighing.  “You’re going to have to face this sooner or later.”

            Inside the closet, Bertholdt pulled his knees up to his chest, not of his own choice, but to fit his long legs in the small space.  With his chin resting on his legs, the boy stared into the darkness.  Not only had he been sweating since the announcement, but the deep blush on his cheeks refused to fade.  The heat from it soaked into his pants where his face lay, burning his legs.

            “Bertholdt, I am giving you until the count of one to get your ass out here.”  The door creaked as Reiner pushed off of it to get a running start across the small hallway. 

            Bertholdt did not move.

            Huffing, Reiner bellowed, “One!” and ran into the door.

            With a splintering crack, the wood broke under his weight.  On the floor, Bertholdt continued to sit, covered in chunks of door and an irritated Reiner.

            “I shouldn’t have had to do that,” the blond mumbled.  Picking himself up and dusting off shavings, Reiner looked down at his friend. 

            Bertholdt did not move.

            “Are you kidding me?”  Reiner leaned down, picking up the tall boy and throwing him over his shoulder.  “I do not have time for this, Berty.  My first injection is in an hour.  Pull it together.”

            “I can’t do this.”

            “He speaks,” Reiner mumbled sarcastically.  He carried Bertholdt through the long, narrow hallways of their barracks.  Reaching their shared room and flinging open the door, Reiner threw Bertholdt onto his bed.  “What the hell?”

            “Reiner,” Bertholdt pleaded.  “This can’t be happening.  I can’t do this.  Not to Annie.”  The tall boy curled in on himself on the bed.  The bed creaked as he rocked.  “They’re going to make us…and I don’t…and I can’t!” 

            Reiner sympathized with his friend, he really did.  For years Reiner had been painfully aware of the crush Bertholdt had on Annie.  They were childhood friends, growing up together in the country.  Forced off by their parents and the government, the trio joined the Marleyan forces.  Little did they know it would force them into being titans, of all things. That was part of the secret though, titans were simply people all along.  The Eldian race, descendants of Ymir, the only ones who could become titans. 

            But were pushed down for their heritage by the Marleyan government, only to be trained into mindless killing machines.

The procedure wasn’t horrible.  It was a few simple injections into a vein anywhere on the body.  It was easier though if you didn’t more.  Reiner found that out the hard way when his vein blew and he got poked a few more times than necessary.

            Then came the training.  They learned how to turn into the giant terrors with little trouble.  Annie’s titan form was stunning from the beginning.  A lot of titans were just plain ugly, but Annie had the physique even as a twelve year old, to pull it off.  Reiner too had a sort of crush on her then.

            Reiner’s form was nothing more than sheer muscle.  The military leaders had been impressed to say the least.  But it wasn’t he who shocked them completely.

            Bertholdt shifted like the other two, just as easily.  Except, he didn’t stop shifting at 15 meters like they had.  No, he went nearly twice as much.  It was one of the main reasons he earned the Colossal Titan form.  There were whispers of the great use he would be for the cause someday. Maybe a Colassal-Female titan baby was that?

            The thought shocked Reiner out of his reverie.  Annie with a baby?  Bertholdt and Annie?  That would be a sight to see…

            “Reiner, you have to help us!”  Bertholdt had jumped from the bed and clutched Reiner by the shoulders, peering down at the blond with crazed eyes.

            “Bert, I can’t.  This is out of our control.”  He shoved the brunette off.  “What you need to be doing is talking to Annie.  And besides that, while this sucks, you should be thrilled.  You’ve had a crush on her forever, this should be a dream come true.”  His words sounded harsh, but they needed to follow orders.  That was the way of warriors.  Reiner sighed, “I’m sorry, Bert.  I know this probably isn’t how you wanted things to go with Annie, but our hands are tied.  This is greater than us.  Just think about it for a while, okay?”  Without getting an answer, he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

            Bertholdt did not move.

* * *

 

            “There are two methods for the hybrid cross experiment.  Natural or artificial insemination.  Really, the choice is up to you ladies which process to go through with.  I know some pairs aren’t exactly ideal but…” 

            Annie ignored the thin scientist woman.  In one of the larger rooms of her building, the girls whose names were on list 3 gathered for preparation.  While other sections got their injections, Annie was required to learn about impregnation.  The idea had her blushing and disgusted at the same time.  _I am fifteen years old and they want me to carry a titan baby?  Screw that._  

            In her mind, she could see the shock on Bertholdt’s face when he read his name next to hers.  He had passed out, of course, after.  Bertl was always getting overwhelmed like that.  Annie, however, had simply walked away, numb.

            Bertholdt clearly wanted nothing to do with her.  It was obvious, so obvious, from the way her reacted to her.  Sure, they were friends, and had been for a long time.  But anything more than that he had never made it clear.

            In the room, the other girls – maybe 10 total – all listened intently.  Annie could tell many were just as uncomfortable with the idea.  Forced to carry babies.  Hadn’t their bodies been through enough?

            “That is all, ladies.  We expect those of you using the natural option to begin trying as soon as your cycles allow.  This is a great way for us to advance titan-shifter abilities.  The idea gives me such chills.  Can you just see it, combined titan powers to forward our cause?”

            Annie understood what they wanted.  But to eliminate the Eldians – her people – at the cost of teenage pregnancy?  She shouldn’t have thought that way, it was treason to question the Marleyan race, especially as a filthy Eldian herself… but where could the line be drawn?

* * *

 

            Reiner’s snores echoed through the small bedroom.  It normally never bothered Bertholdt, as he was a deep sleeper.  But that night it punched into his skull, loud and unstoppable.  He’d debated waking Reiner or chucking a pillow at him, but didn’t have the guts.  His friend needed the sleep. 

            A new serum sang through Reiner’s veins.  Supposedly it would help with his endurance levels in titan form, keeping him from burning out too fast.  The shot made him exhausted though.  Luckily he wouldn’t have any trials with it until he finished several more rounds of the chemical injections. 

            Thinking of the requirements made Bertholdt’s despair return full force.  The sweat ran down his forehead and palms.  Annie’s face filled his mind.  Her long nose and golden hair.  The small form of her body, so short standing next to his.  The way she only ever smiled when she was with him or Reiner.  The bright blue of her cold eyes. 

            “I need to talk to her,” he muttered.  Bertholdt pulled his legs over the side of his bed and stood.  With his pants and a shirt on, he left the room as silently as possible. 

            Bertholdt knew roughly where Annie’s room was in the girls’ dormitory.  He’d been there once by accident several years prior, though Annie never knew.  The thought alone embarrassed him.  He needed to focus on avoiding the night watch and not waking anyone.  A trainee out of bed is only asking for punishment.

            Up two flights of stairs and down several corridors, Bertholdt found what he thought to be her room.  Annie had a single, unsurprisingly.  No one wanted to room with her after an incident with her previous roommate.  There had been a spat between the two of them, Annie had pulled out her dad’s martial arts techniques, and the other girl had lost several teeth and gained a concussion.  Bertholdt remembered Annie’s regret afterward, though she never showed anyone else.  She had to keep up her image.

            Deciding not to knock, Bertl opened the door quietly and stepped inside.  The smell alone screamed _Annie_ to him.  He smiled, but felt that awkward blush and sweat arise.  He’d have to get over this nervousness to be with her.

            The thought caught him off guard.  He had to have sex with Annie. 

            _It’s not right.  None of this is right._

            He eased farther into the room, trying to make out a shape that would be a bed and a small girl. Bertl ghosted his hands through the air and finally made contact with sheets.  He stepped forward, reaching more to find her face.  Except there was no body on the bed.

            “Who the fuck are you?!”

            Bertholdt jumped straight out of his skin and hit his head on the low ceiling of the room.  It was so late and so quiet that the noise shocked him more than the person behind the voice.

            “Annie!”  Bertholdt stammered.    She stood, a silhouette to the hallway light, in the narrow doorway.

            “Bertl?” she started.  “What are you doing here?”  Her voice sounded angrier than she wanted it to be.  She wasn’t mad at him and it wasn’t fair to take out such frustrations on him either.

            “I-” Bertholdt shuffled back on his feet, trying to increase the space between them.  “I needed to talk to you.”

            She could see the red on his cheeks.  Well, not just his cheeks, but his entire face.  “In the middle of the night?  In my room?”  She turned to shut the door and lit a candle on the table on her other side.  The glow illuminated the dark room enough for her to see him fully.  Hair ruffled from sleep – or lack of, due to the dark circles under his green eyes.  She wanted to push the straying strands back into their normal Bertholdt positions across his forehead.  His clothes too were wrinkled and unlike how he usually appeared.  The last time she’d seen him like this was when they were young children.  She stepped passed him and sat on the edge of her mattress. 

            Bertholdt continued to stare at her, silent.

            Finally Annie muttered, “sit” and patted the spot next to her on the bed.  Next to her his size always seemed so much more significant.  He hadn’t always been that tall, but now that he was, it made their contact more strained.  She tucked her legs up under herself and leaned against his shoulder.  Bertholdt jumped at her touch.  “You know,” she said, quiet, “this is never going to work if you can’t stand to be near me without freaking out.  I know I’m not the ideal partner, but try to act like you enjoy my company.  We are friends afterall.”

            _She thinks I don’t like her?!_ Bertholdt gaped down at the blond next to him.  “Wha-?”

            “You always flinch away from me, so I don’t know how we’re going to pull off the sex thing if you can’t even touch me.”  She spoke so nonchalantly that Bertholdt wasn’t sure what to say.  “And yes,” she continued, “we are going with the ‘natural’ way.  I can’t stand the way they described the artificial shit.  The less needles and time it takes to get this out of the way, the better.”  She leaned into him again, testing his patience with her.  This time Bertholdt did not lean away.

            “Annie.”

            “Berty.”

            “Ugh, no.  Don’t call me that.”

            Annie’s voice softened as she looked up at him.  “What do you need, Bertholdt?”

            With a sigh he murmured, “I don’t know if I can do this to you.”  Bertl turned his face away and moved back on the bed.  He covered his face with his large hands and pulled his legs up to his chest.  It was like the closet all over again.  The despair crashed down on him.

            “Do I scare you that much?”  Annie leaned back to meet him.  She gently pulled his hands from his face and put them in her lap.  With her fingers interlaced with his, she whispered, “I’m sorry it has to be me.”

            Bertholdt’s eyes shot open, green blazing into blue.  “No, Annie.” He sat up quickly and yanked his hands free.  Placing them on both sides of her face he spoke, “It’s not that.  Honestly, if there’s anyone I could be paired with I’m glad it’s you.”  The words rushed out with so much confidence that Bertholdt was almost sure it wasn’t him speaking at all.  “It’s that I care for you, and I respect you, too much to do this to you.”

            A small tear broke from Annie’s gaze and fell toward Bertholdt’s thumb.   He smiled gently at her and wiped the tear away.  “I never wanted to do it this way, but I guess there’s no choice left.”  Bertholdt continued to stare into her sapphire eyes as he leaned in closer.  Their breath intermingled in a swirling bit of heat between their faces.  Annie looked down at his lips and closed the distance.

           This kiss would have thrilled him.  If only it had happened any other way. 


	3. Reiner's Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited June 2017

           “Where’ve you been?”  Reiner glared pointedly from across the table at Bertholdt.  He took another large bite of toast and brushed the crumbs from his chin.  “You’re like a fucking ghost.  I woke up and you weren’t in your bed.  What gives?”

            Bertholdt reddened and looked away as he tried to take a seat.  “I-.”

            Reiner burst into a loud laugh.  “Save it.”  The blond put a hand up to reassure his friend.  “I don’t want to know.”  Reiner dropped the toast and started to spoon oatmeal into his mouth, looking around the mess hall.  “Where’s Annie?”

            “She’s still sleeping,” Bertl muttered.  He looked down at his own food. 

            “Annie doesn’t sleep in,” Reiner said.  “What’d you do to her?”  The blond eyed Bertholdt pointedly. 

            “Nothing!  We were talking and stayed up late.” Bertholdt started to eat his own breakfast.  “She just seemed exhausted.  It’s not like we have to be anywhere this morning.”

            Reiner thought for a minute, testing words on his tongue.  “Did you two come to an understanding…?  Ya know, about this whole situation?”  He made a circling gesture with his spoon.

            Bertl nodded silently.  A part of him was happy.  He’d finally confessed to Annie.  And she seemed to reciprocate his feelings; at least that’s what he hoped for. 

            A part of him wondered though if she was simply playing along to protect his feelings and hers.  Bertholdt really hoped that wasn’t the case.

            “Good.”  Reiner set his spoon in the empty bowl.    Well, I hate to leave you, buddy, but I’ve got to get some bloodwork done and my second round of shots.”  Reiner stood from the bench and picked up his bare tray.  “See ya.”

            “Yeah,” Bertholdt said.  “Bye.”

* * *

 

            _I kissed him._ Annie scowled at her reflection in the dirty mirror.  Dark bags hung under her eyes and her hair dangled stringy across her cheeks.  She splashed cold water onto her face and closed her eyes. 

_Why did I kiss him?_

            Grabbing a towel, she sighed.   Annie had never kissed a boy in her life.  Not until that night.  Her cheeks grew warm.  It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought about it.  Heck, she had distinctly thought about kissing Reiner and Bertholdt several times while growing up.  It seemed like those thoughts just happened when a girl had guy friends… lost in a moment.

            “This shouldn’t bother me!”  Annie’s hands clenched into fists around the towel.  _It was just a kiss!  We’re going to be fucking each other soon, so what should it matter,_ she thought. 

_Maybe because you have some small feelings for him…_

Annie jumped at the loud knock coming from the bathroom door.  “Are you almost done in there?” a voice called.

            The blond quickly dried her face, collected her things, and pulled open the large wooden door.  “Yeah, here.”  Annie brushed past the girl that was waiting. 

            “Hey, wait!”  The girl called, hesitantly, causing Annie to stop.  “You’re Annie, right?  One of the girls that’s part of the Hybrid project?  Her voice was small, like she never spoke over a whisper a day in her life.  Annie didn’t recognize it at all.

            She turned to look at the other girl.  Annie observed auburn hair and the tiny freckles that dotted her cheeks.  Her green eyes looked petrified.  “Yes,” Annie answered.  She recognized the girl, but couldn’t place a name to the face.

            The girl relaxed a bit.  “Me too!” She said as she stepped closer to Annie in the corridor.  “I’m Giselle, by the way…but most of my friends call me Gisa.  Not that I’m really friends with them anymore…”  She continued to ramble causing Annie to lose interest quickly.  “…and I got paired with this guy, Marcel.  I think he’s a friend of yours?”

            “More like a friend of a friend,” Annie muttered, uninterested.  “Is that all you wanted to know?” 

            “Huh?”  Gisa looked curiously at Annie.  “Well, there aren’t a lot of us in this experiment, and I thought maybe we could be friends?  We’re all going to be pregnant soon and may as well have other girls to talk with.”  She laughed a bit.  “I’m terrified to do this alone!”

            With a huff, Annie turned on her heels and started to walk away. 

            “Where’re you going?”  Gisa’s hands suddenly gripped onto Annie’s arm.  “Don’t you wanna be friends?”  She looked hurt.

            “Not really.”

            “Well, why not?  Look how much in common we already have!”  Gisa jumped a bit, pulling Annie back each time.

            Annie huffed a loud sigh.  “You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” 

            “Why should I?”  Gisa persisted holding Annie’s arm as she tried to escape the hold.  “You know, the other girls said you were scary,” she stated, “but you don’t seem scary to me at all.” 

            “Well that’s great… but I really don’t care.  I have friends, two great friends, so I don’t really need the extra annoyance.”

            “I won’t be an annoyance, I promise!  I just want someone to talk t–           “

            Annie whirled around, looking Gisa in the face.  “If I agree to be your friend, will you please be a silent one?”

            Annie was sure she had never seen a face so happy in her life.  That was, until she was engulfed in a hug.

* * *

 

            “She hugged you?” Reiner eyed Annie questioningly.  “And you let her?!  HA!”  He erupted into laughter. 

            “She’s annoying.  I feel bad for Marcel.”  Annie glowered at her lunch.  It consisted of a green soup and plain sandwich.  She didn’t want to touch it, let alone eat it. 

            “Marcel?” Reiner stopped his amusement at her discomfort.  “What’s she got to do with Marcel?”

            “Oh, those two are paired together like me and Bertl.”  Annie took the first bite of her meal only to gag.  It was pea soup.  Delicious.

            “Ah,” Reiner concluded.  “Speaking of you and Bertl… I heard you two were up late _talking_ last night.  Care to elaborate on that, Annie?”  He grinned like a devil.

            “Do you want me to dislocate your shoulder again?”  She didn’t even look at him as she spoke and he began laughing again.

            “You guys are a pair, aren’t you?  Neither will talk.”  But Reiner’s face softened a bit.  “Look, I know this is hard for you both.  Hell, I think old Berty’s going to have a conniption one of these days.”  He chuckled a bit then turned serious again.  “But Annie,” Reiner waited to meet her gaze before continuing, “please take care of him.  That boy feels a lot more than he shows.”

            “Reiner, I have no intention of doing anything to him intentionally.  We’re friends.  Why would I hurt him?”

            “Yeah, I know.”  He grinned at her, shaking his head.  “I guess I just worry.  But on the plus side, I get to be an uncle!”

            Annie threw a spoonful of hot soup at his face.

            He dodged it and laughed.  “You gonna eat the rest of that?” 

* * *

 

_A week or so later…_

* * *

 

            “So I was wondering,” Gisa started as she combed thin fingers through her hair.  “Have you and that Bertholdt guy started trying yet?”

            The idea still made Annie flinch.

            The question was expected.  Everyone involved in this experiment had been asking as of late.  How are things going in the bedroom?  It just didn’t change the fact that something felt _wrong_.

            “Of course,” she replied curtly.  _Better to lie_ , she supposed.

            “Wha-?  Really?”  Gisa stopped her fidgeting and focused on Annie.  “And?”

            Annie sighed.  Of course Giselle hadn’t made a move yet.  She was as weak as Annie.  “And it’s sex, I don’t know what you want me to say.”  Still, Annie looked away to hide the blush creeping up her neck and cheeks.  To be honest, they hadn’t really done it.  Not even close.

            “Nothing I guess.  I just wanted to see how far behind I am.”  Gisa laughed nervously.  “I can’t get Marcel to even look at me.  We’re going to get punished if we don’t produce.”

            “I would say ‘seduce him,’ but that didn’t really work for Bertholdt,” Annie said.  She thought back to the first night they had tried to actually _do it._  

            It had taken nearly an hour to get Bertl to just remove his shirt.  Annie had tried everything she could think of in her virgin mind.  She’d practically stripped in front of him and even tried to make it look “sexy.”

            It hadn’t worked.

            Bertholdt had curled into himself again, hands covering face and groin, sweating profusely, while she stood on in her underclothes watching.  To say the least, they didn’t get the job done that night.  Instead, she curled up on her small bed next to him, where they both eventually fell asleep. 

            She had confronted Reiner about it the next afternoon at lunch.  His only advice was to let Bertholdt be the one in charge.  “I don’t know, Annie, let him be a man, I guess.  He can assert himself when he wants to.  And I’m sure some part of him wants to.”

            Very reassuring. 

            So that night, instead of trying to coax him out of his clothes, she allowed him to remove hers.  He was hesitant as ever, but seemed to enjoy the idea of being the one in command of the situation.  It probably helped that he could then explore her body not just with his eyes, but his hands as well.  He made no move to really _touch_ her; in fact he was very much trying to avoid contact.  But contact was made anyway when Annie would shift slightly so her breast would rub his hand or when she allowed her lips to ghost his wrists.  Bertholdt, of course, would jump and mutter apologies. 

            By the third night, Annie had him pinned to the bed with his shirt thrown across her room and her shirt on the way off.  Slowly Bertl was becoming more comfortable with the idea of sex. 

            And if not sex, at least a very rough session of fooling around.

            “Maybe that would work, though!”  Gisa’s loud mouth broke Annie from her thoughts.

            “Huh?”

            “Seduction!  Are you even listening to yourself?”  Gisa walked up and ruffled Annie’s hair. 

            “Seduction?  Yeah, maybe.” 

            “Thanks, Annie!  I’ll try it tonight, for sure.  He’ll have to notice me then.  I got him to meet me when my roommate’s out and…”  She seemed far too excited for Annie’s taste.

            “Yeah,” Annie interrupted as she stood slowly from her spot on the floor.  Since they were no longer allowed to attend training during the day, Annie’s mornings were filled with sleeping and her afternoons with the ramblings of Giselle.  It was boring beyond belief.  She missed her hand-to-hand combat practice.  It was one of the few connections she still had to her true home.  To her dad.  “Giselle,” she whispered.  “Were you forced to become a warrior?”

            Gisa’s bright smile dropped clear off her face.  “You mean, forced to come here and become a titan for Marley?”

            “Yes.  Did someone else decide for you?”

            “I guess that’s how it happened.  My mother suggested it one day, and kicked me out the door the next.  She was mad about government control and wanted me to be a part of fixing it.  ‘Humans are the worst kind of monster.  They only lose themselves.’”  She turned thoughtful for a moment before continuing.

            “Becoming a titan is the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me.  And my titan isn’t even that great.  I’m not one of the Nine like you…the only thing I’m good for is climbing!  And Marcel’s titan isn’t that much better.  I don’t know what they expect of us.”  She looked at Annie.  “But I’ve seen you!  Annie, you’re terrifying.  Possessing the Female Titan is a great honor.  You’re fast and strong, and can call out to the mindless ones.  I can’t even imagine how scary your and Bertholdt’s kid will be if he can transform.  He’d be tall and strong and faster than anything.”

            “I hadn’t given it that much thought.”  Annie sat down in a chair before turning back to Gisa.  “But Giselle,” she said quietly, “how do they know this is genetic?  The transformation, I mean.  What if this is all for nothing?  What will happen to us then?  We know about Ymir Fritz and the split, and how the titans go to a random person of Eldian descent if we die… are they expecting a hybrid of the Nine, that’s permanent?”

            “I guess we go back to being real warriors when this is done.”

            “But we’ll be mothers.”

            “I don’t think they will let us,” Gisa said sadly.  “As soon as these kids are born, they will be poked and prodded and tested for every bit of information possible.  Maybe we get to raise them, but they’ll either be titans or not.  And if they’re not…well, then the Marleyans will wait until they’re old enough to transform with the same injections we had.  It’s always about having more to battle.”

            Annie didn’t want to think the world could be so cruel.  But there she was, trained from a young age to fight and kill.  And then sent from her home with her two closest friends to be turned into a monster.  Annie wasn’t sure if the world could get darker.  But then again, it wasn’t up to her.

            As Bertholdt would say, _I have no will of my own_.


	4. What we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited June 2017

_Block.  Kick.  Swing.  Block._ Annie fell to the ground, heart racing beneath her ribs.  A breath wheezed past her lips as she wiped the sweat from her forehead and started to stand.  She glared at the bags of flour.

            “You’re pushing yourself too hard.”

            Staggered, Annie turned to see Bertholdt standing in the doorway to the storage room, arms crossed over his broad chest.  She knew by inviting Bertholdt to her secret training area she would be outed for over doing it.  Gisa usually came along to keep her company, but was busy with Marcel this day. 

Without a good excuse for the kickboxing and flour everywhere she shrugged.  “I’m bored.”

            Bertholdt sighed heavily.  “Annie, c’mon.”  He stepped into the room and stood behind her.  With caution, he placed his large hands on her shoulders.  She shrugged him off roughly.  “I knew you were keeping up your training, but this is a bit much.”  He pushed a bag across the floor with his boot.

            “Whatsit to you anyway?  It’s not hurting you.”  She thrust a kick into a bag hanging by a rope.  The bag burst, spraying flour everywhere.  “Shit!”  Surprised, Annie flew back into Bertholdt, landing them both heavily on the floor.  Bertholdt’s arm snaked around Annie’s chest.

            “You okay?”  Bert asked quickly.  Upon looking down at her between his legs and her breasts under his arm, his face flamed; and he instantly let go, scooting back.

            “Fine,” she huffed.  Annie stood and started brushing flour off her middle and legs.  “I was done anyway.”  She stumbled and picked up her water canteen before heading for the storage room door. 

            “Hey, Annie, wait.”  Bertholdt reached for her wrist and pulled her back to the room.  “I wanted to talk to you.”

            “And that has to be done here?” She scowled.

            “Well, I thought it would be less embarrassing than the mess hall,” he retorted.  Bertholdt led her to a stack of boxes under a window and sat down. 

            Annie sighed, “What’s this about, Bertl?”

            “Well, remember how I freaked out a while back, after we found out about the Hybrid Project?  And how I’ve acted since then?  I wanted to apologize.  Especially for the kissing…  And I know we’ve already started working toward this, but,” he looked down at his hands as his thumbs twiddled on his lap, “I feel bad, like I made you do something you didn’t want to do, and I don’t know… I just wanted to see where we stand.  Annie,” he started, looking at her sincerely, “what are we?”

            She sat quietly next to him, slightly irritated at his apology.  What were they?  Friends?  Friends with benefits?  They were expected to make a baby together, so maybe future parents? “Bertl, we grew up together.  We were sent here together so that our families could become Marleyans.  Does it really matter what label we’re given.  No matter what happens in this mess, you and Reiner are still going to be my best friends.  And coming from me that’s pretty exceptional, yeah?”  She smirked, elbowing him. 

            Bertholdt looked as if he wanted to respond, but stopped himself, a sad look in his eyes.  But a moment later, he smiled.  “Yeah, I guess.” 

            “Now, if you’ll excuse me.  I need lunch, and I think you have training in the next few minutes,” Annie stood and made for the door.  “Don’t want to be late.”

            “Crap, I almost forgot!”  He jumped from the box.

            “See ya, Berty.” She waved flippantly over her shoulder at him.

            “Bye, Annie.”  He grinned, waving her way.  With her gone though, the smile fell from his lips.  “I guess we’ll have to continue that conversation when you feel the same way.”

* * *

 

            “And how does that feel?”  The doctor asked, messaging a muscle on Reiner’s arm. 

            “Like you’re tearing it off!  Jeez, man, stop.”  Reiner pulled back, face red.

            “You’re not the only one who’s reacted this way after the most recent serum injection.  I think for now, we’ll give you a break on shots.  Get some rest and come back in a few days.  Hopefully any of these ‘hiccups’ will clear up by then.  And we can finally do a field test of that armor.”

            “Sure.”  Reiner climbed down from the exam table and started back to his dorm.  Every muscle shook from the little exertion.  Not sure how or if he could make it up the two flights of stairs, he mumbled, “Fuck those bastards.”

            Slowly his nose began to bleed.

* * *

 

            “At ease!” the Marleyan officer commanded.

            Bertholdt dropped his solute, chest still heaving from the previous run.

            “Good work today, warriors.  Now, as some of you may have heard, there’s been a recent change in plans for the Paradis Island Operation.  Too many people in a small space can lead to trouble, right?”  The officer adjusted his stance, balancing a prosthetic leg.   “Now, directly from the higher-ups, a mission is being assembled as we speak.  One that will require several of our ‘special’ titans.”  He grinned.  “We are going for the walls.  And we are going to knock.  Them.  Down.”

            Bertholdt felt his heart drop to his stomach.  He listened to the murmurs echoing amongst the recruits around him.  Special had to mean those with the power of the Nine.  Eyes slowly started to settle on him.

            “Fubar!  Holtzer!  Meet me after the close.  Dismissed.”

            Bertholdt wiped some sweat form his face, looking for Marcel Holtzer.  He spotted his friend walking cockily toward their officer.  While generally a do-gooder, big brother type guy, Marcel had a way of being a real dick.  Bertholdt took his time to join them.

            “Boys, I have a mission for you,” the man teased.  “You depart in roughly six months’ time.  I need you both out doing field training at least three times a week.  I want your titan’s in good, working condition, _and under your control_.  Got it?  You a few others will be sent directly to the island, more details to come.”

            “Yes, sir.” 

            “Good luck, gentlemen.  I’ll see you both tomorrow.”  The man sauntered off to his quarters at the far end of the training grounds.

            Marcel moved first, slapping Bertholdt across the back.  “What do ya think, Bert, ol’ buddy?  The two of us picked for this extra special mission.  And on top of the Hybrid Project.  We’ll be the top dogs here.  All the ladies will be lining up.”

            “Uh huh.”  Bertholdt trudged toward the exit gate.  He couldn’t tell Annie.  Reiner, maybe, but _not_ Annie.  She’d probably flip.  And wouldn’t she be pregnant by the time he left?  Or would they pair her off with someone else if she wasn’t?  They hadn’t even tried yet!  “Marcel, look, I need to head back.  I have plans with, uh, Annie.”

            “Oh, she’s your partner, right?  I remember you liking her or something when we were younger,” he said, stretching his arms out behind him, muscles flexing.  “Is that the case now? Did you two,” Marcel thrust his pelvis, grinning, “get it on yet?”

            “Not your concern.  See ya.”  Bertholdt jogged past the gates and down the trail that lead into town.  The girls’ barracks were on the farthest side from the training grounds, so he picked up the pace and hoped she was in her room.  Alone.  _This is it.  We are going to_ talk. _I am going to tell her._

* * *

 

            Annie walked back to the dorms with Gisa close beside her.  The red head babbled non-stop about her old friends and her family, the meal they just finished, and her current success with Marcel.  Annie only half listened as the girl exclaimed about losing her virginity. 

            “Speak of the devil,” Gisa laughed, nudging Annie.  “Marcel, are you already done with training?” 

            Annie had come to know Marcel over the years, not that it meant their relationship was a good one.  He was good friends with Reiner, an okay one with Bertholdt, and entirely a pest to Annie.  His self-righteous attitude was a ploy to gain the trust of his superiors and friends, but in reality, he was a flirt.  A very annoying flirt. 

            “Oh, yeah, honey.  And,” he added, grinning, “Myself and Fubar are headed on a topnotch mission in six months.  You two are aware of the Paradis Island Operation, correct?”  He winked and proceeded to explain they’d be taking down the walls.

            But Annie’s ears had pricked at the familiar last name.  “Bertholdt is a part of this mission?”  The blood drained from her face.  _He’s leaving?  He might never come back!  The island is full of demons, evil people who abandoned the rest of us here years ago._ Her mind flashed to their conversation just hours ago.

_What is he to me?_

            “Gisa, I have to go.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”  Annie turned to go.

            “Huh?  Um, okay.  Bye, Annie!”  Gisa called before turning back to Marcel.

            _What are we?_

* * *

 

            Bertholdt sat quietly at Annie’s desk, wondering how she’d respond to finding him in her room.  He hoped it was positive.  Loud footsteps resounded outside the bedroom door.  The pace of someone running.

            Annie crashed through her door in a flurry of blond hair.  She was working off some of her clothes to change, when she finally noticed him waiting there.  “Bertl,” she accused, “I was just going to come find you.  What are you doing here?”  She blushed, realizing her bare skin was exposed to him. 

            Bertholdt stood slowly from the chair and reached for her.  His hands found her cheeks, and he caressed the skin gently. 

Annie watched, out of breath and confused.  Slowly, Bertholdt leaned forward and kissed her lips. He sighed into her, not waiting for a response.  She kissed back, lips moving silently with his. 

Parting from her lips, he murmured, “I wish I had had the courage to do that sooner.  And with a proper confession.  Annie,” he sighed, “I love you.  I kind of always have.  Since we were kids and you used to come crying about your father’s training, or when we’d chase frogs and butterflies outside our village.  Even when you’d beat me and Reiner up for whatever stupid things we did.

“Until now, I couldn’t tell you.  And believe me, I tried; even earlier today.  But I was scared of my feelings, and what it would mean for us.  I don’t want to lose your friendship, but I don’t want you to be with me just because of this stupid project.  I’m afraid I could lose you to someone else.”  He kissed her again, rougher.  And she responded back instantly, shock still rising in her mind. 

“Annie, if you can love me…”

They fell into each other, his shirt soon removed and forgotten on the floor along with hers. Their hands reaching and exploring, flesh on flesh.  He left trails of kisses down her neck and chest, sparking little fires under her skin.  Her hands swept through his dark hair and her legs wrapped tightly around his torso. 

Bertholdt lifted her up, squeezing their chests together.  When his legs hit the edge of the bed, he fell on top of her, continue his touches from before.  Annie found the edge of his pants and loosened the string tie holding them up.  Still, he continued to trace his mouth down her body, chest, stomach, lower, lower, lower.  Goosebumps rose on their skins with every touch.  Annie grazing her hands up his back, fingers playing and digging in and along the skin. 

Bertholdt pulled back a moment, looking down at her.  Annie’s ice blue eyes shown with the little light coming through the window.  Sweat beaded down her forehead, and a deep red blush covered her cheeks.  He could only assume the same crazed look covered his face as well.  He fell forward to nuzzle his nose along her neck and cheekbones. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

Annie sighed, as she turned to kiss the side of his head.  “About time.”  She could feel his smile.

She pulled at the edge of his pants and then back to remove her own.  But large hands stopped her.  “Not tonight.”

Shocked, she pulled back.  “Why not?” Annie complained, sitting up and pushing him backward on her bed.

“I don’t want you to respond because you feel you have to.”  The old Bertholdt surfaced again.  Considerate and shy. 

“I’m not, though. And it’s not like we have forever, Bertl.  You leave in six months, right?” Annie accused, anger and fear filling her.

Bertholdt paled.  “How did you hear about that?  I just found out today.” 

“Marcel is with Gisa, remember?  He came and found us after dinner.”  She thought for a minute.  “And you didn’t tell me yourself.  Even just now.”  Annie knew her eyes turned to ice, as her mother used to say.  It only happened when she was frustrated to anger and sadness.  They bore into Bertholdt’s green eyes heavily.

  “I was going to.  Just, probably not tonight.”  Sadness crossed his features, softening Annie’s.  “This whole mission is the reason I had the courage to confess to you.  Through everything that’s going to happen – to both of us – in the next few months.  I needed to make sure you knew about my feelings.”

Annie pulled herself up and rested her forehead to his.  “I understand.  And I trust your reasoning.  But please don’t keep this kind of stuff from me.  We’re a team now.”  She smiled.

“So what does this mean?  For _us_?”  He stared down into her eyes.

Annie continued to smile as she reached forward to kiss him.  “I guess we’ll just go from here, wherever it takes us.”


	5. If You're Ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED JUNE 2017

           Bertholdt washed his face in the sink before peering into the dusty mirror on the bathroom wall.  It was early, earlier than he liked it to be, and he could definitely see it on his face.  Despite the morning hour, he had a sense of elation humming through his body.

          “I did it,” he said to the reflection.  “I finally confessed.”

          Memories of the night before flashed in Bertholdt’s mind.  The kissing and the touching, the intimacy, and all positively received by Annie.  His confession had paid off.  Bertholdt was sure Annie felt at least something strong enough for him that they could start something.  Soon.

          Nothing could ruin this day.

          “Morning.”  Reiner dragged into the room looking exhausted.

          “Good morning.”  Bertholdt passed him a towel.  “What’s wrong with you?”

          “Eh, just feeling a little under the weather.  Don’t worry about it.” Reiner took a long look at his tall friend’s face and broke into a grin.  “You confessed, didn’t you?”

          Bertholdt began to blush and rolled his eyes.  “Figures you could tell.”

          “I’m happy for you,” Reiner continued.  He splashed his face with water before turning to the towel in his hand.  “But, I have to ask, as your closest friend of course…did you do it?”

          Bertholdt smacked Reiner across the back of the head but laughed.  “No, you asshole.”  His face gave him away though, growing redder, and followed by a few drops of sweat.

          “You did something.”

          “Leave me alone.  If you want details, I’ll tell you later.  I’ve got an extra training session to get to now.”

          “Maybe I don’t really want to know!” Reiner laughed as Bertholdt dashed from the room.  “And don’t hit me,” the blond mumbled, rubbing his head. 

          He could feel the bruise already forming.

* * *

 

          “So what would you say is your best asset?”  Annie asked jokingly.  She and Bertholdt walked later that afternoon, hoping to bond a little better even if they had known each other for years.  A river passed through part of the compound, surrounded by grass.  The sun glared off the water. 

          “Asset?  What kind of question is that?”  He responded flippantly. 

          “Okay, how about talent, then?  What is your talent, Bertl?”  She picked up a small flower and examined it.

          He thought for a moment and then laughed.  “Sweating.”

          Annie smiled at his humor.  Since opening up to her about his feelings, Bertl seemed to be more light-hearted with her.  Like some weight was lifted from him. 

          “You do sweat a lot,” she replied.  “But I don’t mind it.”  She dropped the flower and grinned up at him.  “Much.”

          The couple looked out at the water, quiet.  Bertholdt had another training session coming up in the next hour, but he was trying not to think about it.  This time he needed to shift.

          “What do you think of this whole hybrid thing?”  Annie asked suddenly, pulling Bertl from his thoughts. 

          “I don’t think it will work,” he muttered.  “I don’t think these injections will change our genetics.  The power of the Nine is unique, and only gets inherited through eating the previous holder, or death and random reincarnation.  It just doesn’t line up.”

          “So you think it’s all a waste?”  Annie seemed to have no emotion asking the question.  The both sat down on the grass.

          “Well, I don’t think it’s _all_ a waste.”  Bertholdt put a hand on the ground behind her and leaned back.  The blond leaned back on his shoulder.  “Some good has to come out of this, right?”

          Annie sighed.  “Not according to Gisa.  She thinks that these kids will be whisked away as soon as they’re born, poked and prodded to find if they shift.  I’ll have to go back to training, and when the kids are old enough for them to figure out they won’t shift, they’ll be forced to train as well.  And they’ll be injected just like we were.  It will be our childhood all over again.”

          Bertholdt didn’t say anything, just started to quake beside her.  “More children abused by these Marleyans.  This time they’d be ours.  This whole thing is fucking stupid.  We shouldn’t even try if that’s going to be our baby’s fate.”  He looked past the water to the buildings and people.  This may have been a training compound, but it was still a town.  Families lived here peacefully, not worrying about their children being turned into man-eating monsters.  Bertl exhaled loudly and stood up.  “Sorry, I have to head back now.  They want me to shift completely today.  And don’t you have a doctor appointment soon?” 

          “Yeah.  Good luck.”  Annie stood up beside him. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

          “Yeah, bye.”  He sauntered off, leaving her alone.

* * *

 

          Annie hopped up on the exam table of the medical wing.  Her doctor had yet to come in and examine her.  The cold of the table soaked through her pants and made her shiver.  _Some place…_

“Good afternoon, Miss Leonhardt,” her doctor greeted.  The smile on her face was as fake as ever.  Marleyan doctors that worked in the compounds were the lowest on the rungs.  They had no more reason to like her, as an Eldian by blood, than she did them.

          “Hi,” Annie replied, looking away.  “Tell me again why I needed this appointment.”

          “We’re just checking up, see how things are going.  The usual.  It’s been just over a week since the announcement.”  She placed a stethoscope on Annie’s chest and listened.  “We’ll be doing this every week until it’s confirmed that you are carrying.”

          Annie tried not to breathe too heavily.

          “That is, you could be pregnant already, we just won’t know for a few weeks.” The women then examined eyes and mouth.

          “There’s no way I am.  I haven’t had sex yet.”      

          Her doctor stopped midway through examining her and glared.  “You haven’t started yet?” she asked incredulously.

          Annie sat quietly staring at her hands.

          “You wait right here, Annie.” The doctor moved for the door.  “I think you need to talk to someone.”

          Annie heard muffled voices coming from outside the exam room.  Her blood began to race.  _What kind of vague command was that?_   Annie’s palms started to sweat.

          “She’s right in here, Officer.”  Annie’s doctor led a tall man in a lab coat into the room.  “Annie, this is Officer Grant; he’s part of the medical team leading the Hybrid Project.”

          “Hello,” Annie said softly. She got a curt nod from the officer.

          “I’ll leave it to you.” Her doctor left the room quickly, shutting the door behind her.

          “Miss Annie Leonhardt, the great ‘Female Titan’ I have heard so much about.” He took a seat in the doctor’s chair.  “You were pretty good at following orders when you were still allowed to train…so, what I’m wondering is why you and your assigned partner haven’t started trying yet.”  He crossed his ankles and leaned back.  “Enlighten me.”

          “Sir, it just hasn’t come up yet.  He’s been assigned to extra training and we haven’t been able to,” she searched for the right words, “meet up.”

          “I’ll accept that answer,” he stated, standing up again.  “But, wait too much longer and you’ll be in for some hard times.  If he’s the one holding you back, we could always find you another partner.  Same goes for you.”  He hobbled to the door lazily.  “Take that to heart, I don’t want to have this discussion again, got it?  If you want to be a Marleyan someday, you need to stay loyal to the cause.”

          “Understood, Sir,” Annie murmured, giving a small salute.  “Shit.”

* * *

 

          “That’s so cute!” Gisa gushed from her spot on the floor.  “So he’s had a crush on you for that long?”

          “I guess.”  Annie swung her fist around to hit a large bag of flour.  “He didn’t go into too many details.  I think he just got overwhelmed with everything happening.  I can’t believe they’re sending the two of them off on that mission.  What if something happens along the way?”  She kicked the bag, sending it to the floor.  “It’s not too far to Wall Maria, but there are still Mindless types everywhere.”

          “I’m sure they’ll be fine.  I mean Bertholdt is huge, and Marcel is pretty fast.  I think they’ll make it no problem.”  Gisa stood up near Annie.  “Okay,” the auburn said, “show me how to do this.”

          Annie took a stance and Gisa copied her.  They worked on kicks and punches before actually hitting the bags.  “So tell me, where did you learn this again?”    

          “My dad,” Annie huffed.  “He had this crazy idea that I would need to learn this after my mother left.”  She punched the air again, showing Gisa the form.  “He was paranoid.  Of course it’s the same reason he sent me here.  He thought I’d be safer under the care of _Marleyans_.  Go figure.”

          “I know what you mean, I guess.  My parents weren’t so much concerned for my safety though.  They had too many mouths to feed and I was the oldest.  I’ve been here since I was ten.”  Gisa tried to copy the technique Annie showed.  “I didn’t really know much about the titans, other than they were dangerous demons, ‘a curse to our existence.’  And the first time they injected me with that stuff, I cried.  And again after I shifted.

          “They yelled at me when my titan came out incomplete after the first shift.  That’s when they sent me for the second and third round of shots.  God, I hated it here when I was younger.  It’s weird though, how they are able to dictate Mindless types and our original titans.  You’re lucky because you have the power of the Nine.”

          Annie shrugged and watched Gisa’s kicks.  “Good job.”

          “Thanks.”  She turned to the blond.  “So what did you think when you got here to the training compound?  I mean, you had two of your best friends with you, so it couldn’t have been that bad.”

          “Well, Reiner and I are like cousins and we got sent first.  His mom was my mom’s sister.  My father kept watch over me as long as he could, but it was a great honor to be in Warrior training.  We don’t actually know anything about Reiner’s dad… that is, I never met him.  Bertholdt’s parents are really poor and they couldn’t keep him.  The officer that came to get him paid off his parents.

          “I remember Bertholdt crying his first night here.  I mean we were only eleven, three kids sent away by their own parents.”  Annie sat down on a box and gestured for Giselle to do the same.  “I’m glad we were able to stay together, but I miss the life we had.  If that’s even possible.  At least the old compound had familiar faces and you could sleep in.”

          Both girls remained thoughtful for a bit, both leaning back against the wall under a window.  “Gisa,” Annie said.  “I was threatened by one of the scientists who developed this hybrid thing today.  If I can’t pull through with this, even if Bertholdt and I are together, we are going to get in big trouble.  If they don’t lock me up, they’re going to give us new partners.”  Gisa reached for her hand.  “I don’t want to do this with anyone but him.  He’s my best friend.  And he confessed to me.  If I had to sleep with another man, carry his child, it would kill Bertl.”

          “Don’t worry so much, Annie,” Gisa said giving her a light squeeze.  “You have time.  Just talk to Bertholdt.  Get it all on the table…and maybe try tonight when he’s done with training?”

          “Maybe.”  Annie sat up and rested her hands on her knees.  “You were right, Gisa.”

          “About what?” Giselle followed suit and sat up beside her.

          “About having other girls as friends to go through this with.  I’m glad you clung to me.”

          Gisa hugged her instantly.  “Good.”

* * *

 

          Annie found Bertholdt loitering around the gardens later that evening.  “Hey,” she called.  “It’s my turn to have a talk.”

          “Oh, hi,” he muttered.

          “What’s wrong?  Training go bad?”  She took a seat on the ground and pulled on his pants until he did the same. 

          “Something like that.  I was given more details on this mission.  A lot of people are going to die, Annie.”  He didn’t relax at all.  “I know we have a serious problem with the people in the walls, but I really don’t want to wipe out the entire foreign Eldian race.  This just seems over the top.”

          Annie watched him, unsure of what to say.  They didn’t like the people who lived within the Walls.  Not because they were people, but because they left so many behind after the Titan War.  “I’m sorry,” she said, giving him a small hug around the middle.  “Why don’t you come back to my room for a bit?”

          The couple walked through the small town to the girls’ barracks.  After reaching Annie’s room, Bertholdt leaned back on the door, silent as Annie sat on her bed.

          “I went to visit my doctor today,” she started.

          “I know.”

          “If I’m not pregnant soon, they are going to pair us with new people.”

          Shock and anger filled Bertholdt’s face.  “Annie, I can’t do it.  Maybe in the future when we could actual get married and not worry about this kid being treated like we were.  But I will not subject our child to this kind of life.”

          “We don’t have a choice anymore!” Annie screamed.  “Bertl, they gave me a warning this time,” she yelled from her spot on her bed. “But what about next time?  We are going to get punished if we don’t follow through with these orders!”  She pat the spot next to her.  “I’m scared, for both of us.”

          “And our child?” he looked down sadly.

          Annie didn’t say anything.

          “I’m sorry.”  Bertholdt’s expression softened as he sat beside her.  “But if you think it’s for the best, and you’re ready...we can try.  There’s no getting around it, I guess.”

          The room was quiet.  Both Annie and Bertholdt looked out to the dark space in front of them.  The sun had already fallen beyond the hills and mountains that surrounded their town.  All was still.

          He moved first, brushing the shorter strands of Annie’s bangs back from her face.  They stared into each other’s eyes, both their faces red.

          This was it. 

          Annie closed the distance between them, slowly moving her lips with his.  As her hands reached up to his hair, his grabbed ahold of her small waist. They were slow and unsure.  This had to mean something.  It wouldn’t just be for the Marleyans or the Eldians, or the scientists, or the Warriors.  This was for them.

          “Bertl,” Annie whispered as she fell back on the bed.  He kissed down her chin to her throat and shoulders before making a trail to her chest.  When stopped by her shirt, he simply lifted it above her head and continued.  Goosebumps raised on her skin wherever his mouth touched.

          Annie slid her nails down his back, leaving trails of her own.  He moaned against her skin. She smiled and kissed his hair, feeling her body relax even more into his touch. 

          Bertholdt slowly worked her chest binding off and threw it on the floor.  For a moment he sat back and just stared at her body in the dim light.  “This is the first time I’ve ever seen you like this.”

          She smiled.  “Well it’s only fair if I return the favor.”  She pulled his shirt easily over his head, tossing it somewhere across the room.  Annie then laced her arms around his neck and pulled him back to her. Chest to chest.

          “You’re so beautiful, Annie.”  He kissed her lips again, but allowed his hands to explore her bared chest.  Bertholdt rubbed his thumbs across her breasts, making her arch her back to meet him.  He could feel the tightness in his pants already. 

          Annie’s hands found themselves up on his chest as well, feeling along the ridges of his muscles.  Sweat dripped from both their bodies.  From the moonlight shining through Annie’s window, they glistened.

          They pulled back from their kiss, breathing heavily.  Annie stared up into Bertholdt’s green eyes.  She sighed deeply.  “I love you.”

          He was on her again instantly, leaving another trail of kisses down her body.  He stopped at the edge of her pants.  Bertholdt’s fingers undid the tie holding them up and pulled.  With her pants gone, Annie wrapped her legs around his waist and tried to grab ahold of any part of him she could.  She kissed and touched his face and hair over and over.

          Bertholdt played with her inner thighs, whispers of kisses left behind.  The tightness in his pants grew more intense.  All he could think was, _this is going to happen_.

          Annie grabbed ahold of his waistband and yanked it down.  The only thing protecting them from each other being undergarments.  She reached down the back of his underwear and Bertholdt shivered.  “You’re hands are cold,” he muttered between pecks to her knees.  Annie laughed.  She decided it was her turn to take charge and flipped Bertholdt onto his back. 

          Annie straddled his waist and slid her fingers up and down his chest again.  She then kissed where her hands once were, but let her fingers fall down to his underwear.  She could feel his erection from behind her seat.  Annie knew her own body was getting to the same point.

          “Is this it?” she asked.  “Are we really going to do this?”

          “I think we’re past that point of questioning,” Bertholdt said as he grabbed her hips and flipped her.  She laughed.  “And by the way, we are doing it this way the first time,” he declared before pulling down her undergarments. 

          “Fine.”  Her fingers grabbed his underpants and yanked them down as well.

          They looked at each other, finally exposed as what they were.  Male and female.  Two bodies that soon would be connected as one. 

          Neither wanted to admit how nervous they were.

          Nor how excited.

          Bertholdt places himself in front of her, and quickly leaned down to kiss her lips again.

          This was it.

          At first there was a pressured pain.  Annie knew it was coming, she had talked to Gisa about it, but it still frustrated her.  Her skin was just not used to this kind of stretching.  A few tears slipped down Annie’s flushed cheeks.  Bertholdt had been watching her face and instantly reacted, kissing the tears.  “I’m sorry.”

          “It’s okay, just keep going.”  They both readjusted temporarily.

          Annie couldn’t help but feel this was right.  The relationship that had formed between them over the years.  Was it not better to fall for one of your best friends?  As Bertholdt moved, Annie held her fingers loosely in his hair.

          He thrust in and out, shifting her with each movement.  It felt good and exciting and relaxing all at once.  Each flush of emotion, every sound and sigh.  The moment came where they both reached a climax.  Bertholdt fell on top of her, letting himself stay inside of her a bit longer.  He eventually turned and rolled back on the bed beside her.  His hands wrapped protectively around her body.  Both gasped for air, their bodies adapting to the hormones flowing through them.

          Annie nuzzled her nose to his chest and put her arms around him as well.  “We did it,” she said shyly.  Bertholdt gave her a squeeze in response.  They lay still under the blankets, laced in each other’s arms. 

          “Annie,” Bertholdt breathed, “if you’re tired, you can sleep.  I’m not going anywhere.”

          “Okay,” she slurred.  “Bertl, I love you.”

          “I know.” 

          “And I’m sorry.”

* * *

 

          It wasn’t too long before they both were asleep, however the slumber was quickly interrupted by loud knocking on Annie’s door.  Bertholdt woke up instantly, climbing over Annie’s body, careful not to wake her.  He pulled on his pants and heaved the door open.  An officer stood before him, looking nervous.  “Are you Bertholdt Fubar?” the man asked.

          Bertholdt nodded, question crossing his face.  “Is something wrong?”

          “Your roommate, Reiner Braun, has collapsed.”


	6. Takes me back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so this is kind of a filler chapter. And it's really short. And I struggled with how I wanted to write it. Ugh. Yet slowly this story is moving along. I really appreciate all the nice things you guys have said on here and Fanfiction. The comments are what really get me motivated to write. I do have an outline for the rest of the story, so hopefully things will move along smoothly. *Fingers crossed*
> 
> *EDITED JUNE 2017*

          Annie and Bertholdt waited silently in Reiner’s room of the medical wing.  Men and women in lab coats dashed in and out of the small space, taking blood and vitals.  They didn’t speak, just continued on with their work, ignoring the very concerned couple waiting on news of their closest friend.

          Yet Reiner still slept.

          The knock that alerted Bertholdt to the news happened only a few hours before. He had to wake Annie and tell her that Reiner may not wake up.  Within minutes the two were entering the medical building, eager to find out what happened. 

          Both fearing the worst.

          Luckily by the time they arrived, Reiner was breathing on his own and his heartbeats were even.  Annie rushed passed the nurses and doctors, clutching at Reiner’s large hand within two of her own.  A few times doctors tried to shoo her away, but a single look sent them flying.  Bertholdt just watched from across the room, not sure what to do or say.

          The evening had gone so well.  Annie returned his feelings; and even though they were forced into this hellish experiment, both of them wanted it.  Bertholdt blushed at thoughts of the events mere hours earlier.  He’d done it, slept with Annie, his first love.  They wanted each other.  Things were finally falling into place in this horrid world.

          But that could only last so long.  Now their friend could be dying and no one would tell them why or how.

          The room started to empty of people, getting quieter as they left.  Bertholdt figured now would be the time to move closer to the sterile hospital bed.  The smell of antiseptics filled his nose, making him cringe. 

          Annie stayed in her seat next to Reiner, still holding his hand tightly in hers.  Clearly she was worked up, even as stoic as she appeared.  Bertholdt wanted to comfort her, to shake Reiner awake and assure her that he would be okay.  He wanted to ask his friend what had gone so wrong and why he had not said anything.  He wanted to apologize for being so focused on himself and Annie, and not noticing his friend’s troubles.

          It just wasn’t fair.

          “I wish these dammed doctors would tell us what’s going on,” Annie huffed, rubbing her forehead on her knuckles.

          “Maybe they don’t know.”

          Annie shook her head before resting it on her and Reiner’s hands.  “They obviously know something because they probably _did_ something.  What was it Reiner had to do?  Muscles?  Endurance?”  She sighed.  “Whatever it is, they sure screwed him over.”  A small tear started to drip down her cheek.  It clung to her chin but then fell the short distance to the floor.

          “Annie,” Bertholdt mumbled, “he’ll come out of it.  Please don’t worry.” He slowly walked to her and placed his arms over and around her shoulders from behind.  His chin rested on her hair and he slowly breathed in her smell trying to find comfort in it. 

          “I want to believe you,” Annie returned, “but look at him.”  She gestured to his still form.  “This is miserable to see.  He’s so lifeless.”  She let go of Reiner’s hand with one of her own and grabbed onto Bertholdt’s arm.  “Just one more thing lost from our home.”

          “Let’s try talking about something else, ok?  To get your mind off of this?”

          “Like what?”

          “Well,” he stammered, “how about earlier tonight?”  Heat rose to Bertholdt’s face and he instantly regretted the idea.

          Annie’s cheek’s reddened as well.  “What about it?”

          “I just wanted to say I’m glad my first time was with you.”  Bertholdt assured, pulling a chair beside her.  “I mean, I’d thought about how it would happen.  You know now that I always had a crush on you.”  He looked down at his feet, twiddling his thumbs.  “It’s funny to me that I actually get to be with you.  At least for some time.”

          “All time,” Annie whispered, though Bertholdt didn’t hear her.

          “I still remember the first day I saw you.  You and your dad had just moved in with Reiner’s family before your house was built.  You were walking in the meadow, by the stream on the far side of the compound.  Your hair was loose and long, and I swear I lost my breath.”

          “We were, like, seven,” Annie countered, rolling her eyes.

          Bertholdt ignored her.  “I didn’t get to meet you until a few days later.  Reiner had dragged you along to play.  I tried to say hi to you, but you kicked me in the shin and glared at me.”

          “Sounds about right.  I wasn’t much into play dates back then.”  A small smile ghosted onto Annie’s lips.

          “But I was smitten.”  He looked down at her.

          Annie stared back, but she looked sad.  “I wish I could say the same, but until recently I don’t think I really had those feelings.”  She leaned back in the chair, letting Reiner’s hand fall into her lap.  “Sure, I thought about marriage and kids and all that stuff when I was younger.  But I didn’t have anyone particular in mind.  My mom wasn’t around to instill more than that in me though.  And my dad shunned any kind of romantic ideas.

          “I just remember having some semblance of childhood.  With you and Reiner.  We actually got to play and be kids for a few years.”  Annie closed her eyes, clearly exhausted.  The sun slowly started to show through the windows.  “How the hell did we end up here?”

          “Annie,” Bertholdt murmured. 

          “I don’t regret much, but going along with being sent here was the worst mistake of my life.  I was already forced to learn self-defense, but once here, the training became that much tougher.  And now this whole baby thing.  Bertholdt, within the next year, we could have a baby.  _Should_ have a baby.  What would my father say if he saw me now?” she muttered to herself.

          “It makes me mad, Annie.”  Bertholdt said, visibly shaking.

          “You told me that already.”

          He ignored her.  “If we hadn’t been sent here, I would have confessed to you anyway.  Back home.  We could have a house and a family and do it all the right way.”  Bertholdt felt Annie’s hand on his arm.  “I wanted that with you,” he whisper.  “Someday.”

          Annie opened her eyes to look at him.  “Don’t dwell on it.  You got me anyway.  As messed as this is.”  She gave him a small smile before sitting up to kiss his cheek.

          Bertholdt turned his head though and caught her mouth instead.  “I still love you like I did then,” he muttered against her lips.

          “Would you two get a room,” a drowsy voice grumbled.

          Bertholdt and Annie broke apart instantly and turned to Reiner’s bed.  Reiner’s eyes were open, a sly grin on his face.  The couple turned to each other, grinned, and then jumped on their friend.

          “I’m so glad you’re awake!”  Annie squeaked before wrapping her arms tighter around his neck.  “We were so worried!”

          Bertholdt stood behind Annie, leaning over her and Reiner.  One hand behind Annie, the other on Reiner’s opposite side.  “Hey, Reiner.”

          “I wasn’t dead, was I?” he asked, but winced at Annie’s closeness.

          Bertholdt noticed and started to pull Annie off of him.

          “What happened?” Annie asked, sitting back in her chair next to the bed. 

          “To be honest, I don’t really know.  I’ve been getting these injections a couple times a day between training sessions and I guess I had a bit of a reaction.”

          “Why didn’t you say something?” Bertholdt inquired while sitting beside Annie.

          “I didn’t really think much of it.  I had headaches and a bloody nose and stuff.  But, it’s not like that stuff doesn’t happen anyway.  I feel great now though.  Whatever that stuff was is clearly working well in my system.  I’m ready to start my next round of injections.”  Reiner sat up and cracked his back, neck, and knuckles.

          “You’re ridiculous.”  Annie and Bertholdt shared a look, but then smiled at their friend.  Nothing could hold Reiner back for long.

          “Anyway, you both look tired.  Why don’t you go sleep while you can?  I’m alright, I promise.”  Reiner settled back into the bed, giving them a thumbs up.

          Annie took the suggestion.  “I’ll let them know you’re awake.  And I will stop by later today,” she warned, “so try not to go unconscious again.” She got up and left the room, slightly sluggish after the long night.

          When the door closed behind her, Reiner turned to Bertholdt. “So did you do it?”

          “Shut up.”

* * *

 

          Annie woke with a start in the early afternoon.  Her head hurt from the lack of consistent sleep.  And her body hurt because, well…

          A blush covered her cheeks and neck.  She moved her hands over the sheets, remembering all that had happened in that bed.  A surge of pride shot through her chest.  Bertholdt was hers.

          Annie stretched her arms up over her head, hearing the joints in her shoulders pop.  She had promised to check up on Reiner once she was awake and had to follow through with it.  Otherwise Reiner would never take her seriously. 

          As she pulled on a clean shirt and, for once, a skirt, Annie heard a knock on her door.  “Now what?” she growled.  This day just couldn’t be normal.

          “Annie, it’s me!”  Giselle’s voice called through the door.  “Open up!”

          The blond pulled the heavy wood door open and stared at her friend.  “What is it, Gisa?  I’m kind of in a hurry.”

          Gise’s usually cheerful face dropped to one of shock when she saw Annie.  “Is that a hickey?” 

          Annie pulled her hood up over her head and glared at the redhead.  “Giselle, what do you want?”

          The girl shook her head, clearing the train of thought.  “Right.  So, this is actually some good news for you.  They’re building some small houses for those of us in the Hybrid Project.  I guess the higher ups want us out of the barracks.  Either way, I saw the floorplans and the houses are designed for two families.  So I was thinking you and I could share.”

          Annie stepped passed Giselle and shut her door.  “That’s fine.  When are we expected to move?”  She started to walk toward the stairs, but was quickly followed by Giselle.

          “That I don’t know, but I do know where they’re going to be built.  You know that park in the center of the downtown.  There’s an open spot behind some of the shops there.  So we’ll have lots of space.” 

          The pair jogged down the steps and exited the building.  “Sounds nice.”

          “Agreed.  But anyway, that’s all I had to tell you.  Hope things are going well with Bertholdt.  I’ll see you later.”

          Annie watched her go.  “Actually, Gisa,” Annie called after a moment.  “I’m not going to continue my training anymore.  So instead of meeting there this evening, can you and I just go to dinner as usual?”

          “Sure thing.  Bye-bye!”

          The blond was glad her friend didn’t question her decision to cancel their plans.  Now that Bertholdt and she were actively trying to conceive, it seemed irresponsible to push her body so much.  She wasn’t allowed to go to the regimented training sessions, and now couldn’t do her own. 

          Annie wasn’t entirely sure how to spend her days anymore.  Everything kept changing.

          And she didn’t really like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say one thing about Annie's character. In the Manga/Anime, Annie comes off as kind of a quiet bitch. For the sake of this story, I wanted to give her to have a reason to act that way, other than whatever her dad made her do. So it's kind of a personal headcanon that she is actually pretty friendly and talkative to Bertl and Reiner. She only gets bitchy when bad stuff starts happening (like later in the story when she will have to go on the mission, because ya'll knew that was coming. I am totally going to follow the actual story once get passed all this pregnancy stuff). I think she is actually a nice person until too much crap makes her mean.
> 
> Does that make sense?
> 
> Ok, whatever, headcanon over. See you next chapter. THANKS FOR READING. :)


	7. Hide Your Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been about six weeks since we last saw our lovely couple. But things aren't going well for them either. Annie is plagued with nightmares and Bertholdt is too exhausted to spend any time with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to put a trigger warning for this chapter: child abuse and alcohol use  
> Just so ya know.
> 
>  
> 
> EDITED JUNE 2017!!!

_“Bertholdt, catch up!” Annie cried, giggles erupting from her throat.  “We’re almost there!”  The small girl led the way up the hills that rested on the edge of the forest.  Their village compound sitting in the viewable distance.  The soldiers had let the trio out early in the morning._

_“I’m coming!”  Bertholdt stumbled up the hill behind his two shorter, blonder friends.  He was all legs at 10 years old, and hadn’t quite gotten used to the new height.  He would have been happier about it if he didn’t stick out so much from his peers._

_His friends, though, did not seem to care._

_Annie fell back into the tall grass at the top of the hill, spreading her arms and legs out like a star, her skirt blowing a bit in the breeze.  Her eyes matched the color of the sky, which that day had only a few clouds to cover its beauty.  She smiled.  Sundays were the only fun day for them.  No training for Annie.  No working the fields for Reiner.  No family time for Bertholdt._

_“Look,” Reiner called, standing beside Annie and pointing up the sky.  “It looks like a deer.”_

_“No, it doesn’t,” Annie countered, slapping his leg with her hand.  “It’s a horse.”_

_Bertholdt sat beside her in the grass, his knees tucked up, arms laid across them.  The wind smelled of the pines that surrounded their home.  Butterflies fluttered from the flowers around him.  Bertholdt wanted to live here, to be free._

_“Bertl,” Annie whined.  “Which is it?”  She gave him her best pleading look._

_He could never say no to Annie.  “Reiner, it’s a horse.”_

_Reiner fell back into the grass on Annie’s other side, shouting, exasperated.  “You two always gang up on me,” he whined._

_“You make it easy.”_

_“Yeah, yeah.  So what are we going to do today?  Not to be a downer, but this is our last day together.” Reiner looked to his friends, sadness in his eyes._

_“How about tag, like we used to play?”  Bertholdt suggested._

_“We can use the woods for cover,” Annie added._

_“Alright, that’s my kind of game,” Reiner said, toothy smile spreading across his face.  “So who’s going to be IT first?”_

_Annie and Bertholdt looked at one another, then back to Reiner similar grins on their faces.  Annie jumped to her feet, tagging Reiner on the head and yelling, “You’re it!” before taking off down the hill._

_“What?!  That’s not fair!” Reiner shouted at her as he tried to get up.  “Bertl!  C’mon, you guys!  This isn’t fair.”_

_Laughter filled the warm air around them as they raced down to the trees.  Annie was the first to dart between the foliage, snaking her way back as far as she could.  She heard Bertholdt stumbling through behind her, and Reiner still shouting._

_Reiner must have caught Bertholdt because soon Reiner was coming up around her side, smiling triumphantly.  She slowed a bit and decided to run back the way she came.  Someone had to let Bertholdt off from being IT.  He never was a fast as her or Reiner._

_When she found him though, it wasn’t a sight she expected.  Bertholdt was down on his knees, a figure Annie recognized as his father standing above him.  Bertholdt’s head was cast down, though even at the distance, she could feel the fear radiating from him._

_Reiner came up behind her, confused.  She gestured with her eyes to the scene in front of them.  “Oh no,” he whispered.  “Why is he out here?”_

_The first strike was quick, to the side of the head.  Bertholdt took it the best he could, letting it throw him to the ground.  “Get up!” she heard his dad say.  Bertholdt slowly stood on his trembling legs.  His father grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged him off._

_Annie didn’t feel herself move until Reiner was shouting for her to.  She followed behind Bertholdt and his father, trying to stay out of sight.  She knew his father was an awful man, and that Bertholdt was the most abused of his siblings, but nothing could ever be done for him.  Families kept to themselves, governed by the head of the house, ignored by the government._

_When they reached his home and the front door was slammed shut, she ducked to the nearest window.  Inside she heard shouting.  Through the window pain, Annie could make out Bertholdt’s frame standing near his father’s.  He was pleading, tears coming down his face, arms above his head for protection.  “No!” he shouted.  “Please, Father!”_

_Mr. Fubar’s hand came down with incredible force, knocking Bertholdt over the top of the head.  He fell to the floor instantly, completely unconscious.  Annie stared in shock at the sight before. At what that man had done to her best friend.  She gripped the old window sill tightly, the wood splintering under her._

_But his father must have heard the cracking wood, because he turned and locked his eyes on hers.  “You!” he shouted, pointing a fat finger her way.  “What the hell are you doing here, girl?” His words were slurred from alcohol._

_Annie jumped back from the window, ready to run, but the door flew open.  She managed to take a few bounds away, but tripped on the roots of a nearby tree._

_“You shouldn’t be here, girlie,” he said, coming up in front of her, hands stretched out._

_“You hurt him!” she screeched._

_“And I’ll hurt you too.  For trespassing.  For hanging out with him.” Bertholdt’s father jumped on top of her, pinning her to the ground.  “You’ll regret ever coming here.”_

_“Stop!” Annie shouted, trying to kick him off.  He gripped her wrists tighter above her head with one hand.  A solid blow hit her in the chest and Annie coughed.  She tried to remember everything her father taught her, but in the moment, it all happened so fast, and she was already down._

_A second blow, this time to her cheek._

_She struggled more and more, trying to find a way out of his grip._

_“You will never forget your crime, girl!” he shouted, raising his fist above her face one more time._

* * *

 

Annie woke with a start.  How many times would that moment torment her?  It had years since she consciously thought of those days.  They had been so young, so naiive.  What was childhood supposed to be?

          Did it even matter in a world of titans and humans and walls?

          She shivered.  She and Reiner had tough upbringings, sure.  But Bertholdt suffered the most.  Annie felt tears in her eyes, thinking of the bruises that used to appear on his arms and cheeks.  Of the nights he would sneak away from home and find her.  How they’d go to her father’s shed and hide under a blanket, snuggled close to one another.  How on those nights she would read to him by lantern light, stories of the old world, of the oceans and icy desserts and liquid fire.  Of the goddess Ymir.  All his worries forgotten.  All thoughts of home.

          It all seemed so long ago.

          Bertholdt shifted in the bed next to her, mumbling something before flopping an arm across Annie’s chest and a leg off the opposite side of the bed.  It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that Bertl slept in bizarre positions, but Annie hadn’t ever had to sleep with him on a bed until now.

          She shoved his arm off of her, before poking him in the side.  “Bertl, I know it’s nice to have a big bed now, but this isn’t going to work for me.”

          The large boy huffed loudly but continued sleeping.

          Annie wasn’t entirely sure how things moved as quickly as they had over the past six weeks.  One moment she had her own room in the dorms, and the next, her and the other girls for this project were being moved to an area of small duplex homes newly built in town.  In all technicalities, Bertholdt still roomed with Reiner, but since their relationship had gone to _that_ level, he had spent every night with her.  Not that she minded (minus the weird positions he slept in).  She liked having him close.

          She looked around the small bedroom.  One window that faced the East, and a door that led down a small hallway to the kitchen.  Off to one side was an even small bathroom.  The house was tiny, but Annie figured she’d be the only one officially living there for a while.  She wondered if she could use the stipend of money they offered her monthly to make it more inviting.  She hadn’t bothered in the dorms, but this was her home now.   

          A breeze rattled the window pain, and Annie tucked herself closer to Bertholdt.  It was still too early to get out of bed; even though the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon.  However, being awake, Annie wasn’t entirely sure what she should do.  For a moment, she felt bad for almost waking up Berthold, who had been preparing for his upcoming mission most days.  He was physically exhausted, falling into the bed every evening right after dinner and sleeping until morning.

          She pitied him.  Bertholdt was by far one of the sweetest people she knew.  It was something she loved and envied him for.  But for some reason people always treated him the worst.  If it weren’t for her or Reiner sticking up for him, he would have been long gone years ago.  It was funny though, because if his father saw him now, as tall as Bertholdt was, he might be the one quivering in fear.  Annie smiled at the thought, hoping one day he could get justice. 

          Though she was certain it would never happen.

          Annie pushed some hair off Bertholdt’s face.  He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep.  His face lost all the worry lines, and his lips sometimes seemed to relax into a small smile.  She wondered what he dreamed about, hopefully something better than the nightmares she had been facing.

          His face suddenly tightened up, and Bertholdt opened his eyes.  “Hi,” he murmured, trying to smile as sleepy as he was.

          “Hi, sorry I woke you.”  She sat up a bit and stretched.

          “Nah, you didn’t,” he whispered.  “Don’t get up yet.”  Bertholdt reached his arms around her waist and pulled her under the blankets.  “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you much lately.”

          “Mm,” she hummed.  Annie tucked herself into the folds of his arms.

          “I missed you, Annie.”  He nuzzled his nose into her hair.  “I hate how busy I’ve been.”

          Annie turned her head to look at him.  “Don’t worry about it.  It’s not your fault.”

          “I want to spend time with you though.  Especially now.”  He kissed her hair and then pushed some of it away from her neck with his long, thin fingers.  Annie shivered as his lips brushed the skin at her nape.  His hands moved from her hair to her stomach, and then to her breasts.

          “Are we really going to do this now?” Annie huffed, already feeling her breath catching in her throat. She covered his hands with her own, leading them.

          “It’s been a while, and the doctors said that it can take a few tries.”  One of his hands slipped from her grip and glided down her belly to her underwear.

          “Fuck them,” Annie shot. “They’re not the ones who have to carry a baby in their bodies for warfare.”  Her anger and heat radiated from her body. 

          Bertholdt let go of her a sat up.  “I’d better go then.”  He stood from the bed and looked for his shirt, thrown somewhere on the floor the previous night.

          “Bertl, I’m sorry, just wait.”  Annie reached for him and pulled him back down on the bed.  She wrapped her arms tightly around his middle and sighed, “It’s not you.”

          “Annie, I told you before that I don’t want to pressure you about any of this.”  He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side.  “I’ll still love you.”  Bertholdt looked down at the blond clinging to him.  “But for what it’s worth, I’ll stay for now.  I know you’ve missed me too.”  He smiled to himself.

          “I had a dream about home,” she started.  “It was the day we climbed the hills to get away from everything.  We were playing tag, but your dad came after us, drunk.  He hit you, right in front of Reiner and me, and then dragged you home by the back of your neck.  You probably don’t know this, but I chased after you that day.”  Bertholdt stiffened beside her.  “After your dad got you home, I watched through the window.  He beat you unconscious, Bertholdt.”  She choked, reliving the moment again and again.

          “He saw me in the window then,” she continued, her voice regaining some of its strength, “and charged after me.  I tripped on the roots under the tree in your yard, and he tackled me.  He got in two blows to my cheek and chest before I kicked him off and ran home.”  Annie took a long breath before looking to Bertholdt.  “My dream was the same, except I didn’t get away.” 

          Bertholdt held her gaze and then pulled her closer.  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered. 

          “What, that we knew?  We didn’t want to embarrass you or make you feel like you had to explain yourself.  Your father was an asshole who didn’t deserve you as a son.  Reiner and I wanted you to have a place away from that.”  She hugged him tightly.  “And I got away.”

          “If I had known what he did to you…” His hands tightened into fists. 

          “It doesn’t matter now.  C’mon, why don’t we try to get some more sleep before breakfast?”  Annie leaned back, still tucked in his arms.  “Relax, I’m okay.  I’m still here with you.”

          Bertholdt fell back beside her.  “It’s not something I can forgive him for,” he murmured while closing his eyes. 

          After a few minutes, Bertholdt’s steady breathing told Annie he was back asleep.  She stared into the slowly brightening room.  Yes, it had been a long time since Annie consciously thought of those days.

* * *

 

          “So, I know we haven’t been doing the hand-to-hand training and I was just wondering if you were ok.  I didn’t want to push you when you first canceled a few week ago.  But I’m worried, you know?  Are you not allowed to do your martial arts anymore?” Gisa questioned before taking a bite of her toast.  “I’m sorry if that’s true, I know it was important to you.”

          Annie looked up at her redheaded friend for the first time since they sat down for lunch.  “It’s fine.  Bertholdt was the one who originally brought it up.  He was just worried that if I got pregnant and didn’t know it, I might hurt the baby.  And then we’d have to start all over.”  Annie pushed her food around her plate. 

          “You said ‘if’ though…so does that mean things are going well for you two?  More so than before?”  Giselle leaned forward on the table toward Annie.

          “I guess.  We are together, as a couple or whatever, so I guess it’s not so wrong for us to be so close.  He pretty much lives with me, though I’m sure you’ve noticed, living next to me and all.”  The blond picked up her fork to eat something, but then dropped it back on her plate with a clang.

          “Are you okay, Annie?”

          Annie looked up, but didn’t answer.  She picked up her fork again and shoved a huge amount of food in her mouth.

          “You can talk.  You’re allowed to feel vulnerable.  That’s why we have friends, right?  To lean on each other.”  Gisa smiled, resting her hand on Annie’s across the table.

          Annie set her fork down.  “We just haven’t been together in a few weeks.  Like actually ‘together.’”  She sighed and turned to look passed the other tables, slowly dwindling in the number of people eating.  “He’s exhausted and I don’t know how to help him.  They push him so hard every day and I hardly see him.  He’s one my best friends and I just want to be with him.  He tried to start something this morning, but I just…”  Annie caught herself and wondered if this was something she could tell Gisa. 

          “And I’ve been having this horrible dream.  I talked to Bertl about it this morning, but I don’t think he knew what to say.  The dream is so vivid, it’s part of our shared past.  But in my dream, I can’t escape.  I’m beginning to wonder if I’m feeling trapped in the real world too.”  Annie grimaced.  “It’s awful.”

          “Annie, you look drained.  Maybe we should go talk to the doctors?”

          “I’m not going to any of those mindless doctors!”  Annie claimed, jumping up from her seat.  She gripped the wood of the table, her nails digging into the grooves.  “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.”

          “Stop doing that!” Gisa shouted, her face going as red as her hair.  She stood, mimicking Annie’s body language.  “You open up and act like you’re looking for help, but then you shut down again as soon as things are too difficult or too personal.  Well, stop it!  Life sucks, and it’s going to suck even more now that we’re here, and that we’re expected to be breeding machines for these lunatics.  But at this point you need to get over yourself!” 

          Gisa slowed, exhaling quietly.  She looked to Annie, tears in her eyes.  “I told you that it’s ok to feel vulnerable.  That’s why you have me, or Bertholdt.  I want you to come to me when you don’t know what to do.”  Gisa brushed the back of her hand across her cheeks to remove the tears.  “I’m sorry,” she said with a small smile.  “I’ve just been a really emotional wreck lately.”

          “I want to support you too, Giselle,” Annie said softly.  She sat down on the bench and gestured for Gisa to do the same.  “I’m just not used to being helped.  I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just can’t face those doctors any more than I have to.  I’ve screwed up enough here recently and I don’t need a reason for them to do something drastic.”

          “Then you and I will just have to figure this out,” Gisa said with her usual smile.  She reached for Annie’s hands again and held them tightly.  “Right?”

* * *

 

          Bertholdt was already in a foul mood that morning, even before training started.  Why didn’t they tell him?  It was one thing for Annie, who was always so passive, but Reiner was his closest confidant.  It wasn’t that he really kept his father’s abuse a secret, but he wasn’t sure if they really knew. 

          Apparently they had.  Annie knew. 

          “Dammit!” he bellowed, slamming a fist on the wall of his room.  It was so long ago.  He knew the exact day too.  It was the day before his father had sold him off to one of the officers, just a week before Annie and Reiner left.  It was their last free day together, that they knew of. 

          And his father had ruined it.

          “I’ll kill him,” Bertholdt seethed into his fist.  “If I ever see that bastard again, _I will kill him_.”

          He sighed, pushing off the wall and changing into his training uniform.  It was a field test day for him and Marcel.  The thought of being around Marcel for the next twelve hours made him burn with anger.  If he weren’t such an self-righteous ass, things would maybe be easier.  Maybe.

          Bertholdt grabbed his jacket off the end of his bed and made his way toward the offsite training grounds.  It was a bit of a walk from the boys’ dorms, so he figured it should be enough time to cool down and gain some composure before turning into a 60 meter monster. 

          His feet kicked up gravel on the main path to the gate.  The scuffling noise was plenty to distract him.  That was, until he heard a running gate coming from behind.

          “Hey, Bert, wait up!” Reiner bound down the road toward his tall friend. He jumped and wrapped a large arm around Bertholdt’s neck from behind.

          “Ach!”  Bertl grabbed Reiner’s wrist and yanked his arm from around his neck.  “What?” The blond boy matched Bertholdt’s steps as best he could, following to the training grounds.  It was still _so_ far away.

          “I’m completely healed, that’s what!” Reiner exclaimed, punching Bertholdt in the shoulder and breaking him from his bleak thoughts.  “And,” he started excitedly, “I have recently been assigned to a certain mission with you and Marcel.”

          That officially got Bertholdt’s attention, stopping him in his tracks.  “What?” he burst out angrily.  “Why are they assigning you?  Do you have a death wish?” 

          “Bert, easy.”  Reiner put up his hands in truce.  “It’s a pretty simple task.  And they need my new acquired traits.  My titan form’s got better armor now.  You’ll need my help breaking through the second wall.”  Reiner flexed his arms above his head.  “Jeez, I thought you’d be happy, you know?  Three buddies on a great mission together.”

          “Marcel and I aren’t buddies,” Bertl spat, taking a step forward to continue his pace from before.  “He’s a prick with no respect for anyone.  If I could get away with it, I’d sock him in his stupid face.”

          “What has gotten into you?” Reiner asked, pulling back on Bertholdt’s sleeve.  “Did you have a fight with Annie or something?”

          “No!  I’m just frustrated.  And the fact that in a few months when we leave, no one will be here for Annie.”  Bertholdt looked away quickly.  “If something happens to me…”

          “Hey, relax, man.”  Reiner put a solid arm around his friend’s shoulders.  “Nothing is going to happen to you.  The plan is almost foolproof, give or take a few titans.”                

          “Whatever.  This is all a joke to you.”  Bertholdt shrugged Reiner’s arm off.  “You have nothing to lose.”

          “Are you kidding?  What the hell is going on?  And actually tell me, no more of this bullshit.”  Reiner jumped in front of his friend, blocking the path.  “Talk.”

          Bertholdt looked away, irritated.  But as his friend waited, he knew it had to come out.  With a sigh, Bertholdt said, “You both knew about my dad.”

          Reiner didn’t expect that. 

          “Annie told me this morning.  And she also made a point to tell me he hit her too.”  Bertholdt shoved a hand out to push Reiner back.  “Is that what you wanted to hear?  Probably not.  Now please don’t make me late for training.”  He took off in a jog, passing Reiner.

          Reiner wasn’t sure what to say.  Of all the things to be mad about, something that happened over five years ago?  It was so Bertholdt.  He shook his head, unsure of how to get back into his friend’s trust.  It would have to be today.  Reiner leapt into a sprint, hoping to catch Bertholdt soon.

          “Hey, Berty, was wondering when you were gonna show up.”  Marcel stretched his arms behind his back.  “My little brother’s been asking about you.  He’s wondering when you’ll give up the Colossal Titan powers so he can have them.”

          “Shut up.” Bertholdt spit.  He walked to his position and faced forward, awaiting instructions. 

          “What the hell?  Mr. Nervous-Goody-Goody in a pissy mood today?  What a shame.  I wonder how your cute little girlfriend will handle that.  Unless she’s the one who got you mad.”  Marcel stepped closer to Bertholdt, his face just inches away.  “Did Annie get you _real mad_ , Berty?” He laughed to himself.  “I wouldn’t be surprised if she got me all heated, either.  She’s a real pistol.  If she ever becomes too much for you, just pass her my way.”  The grin on Marcel’s face was sickening.  “There’s plenty of room in my bed.”

          “Marcel!” Reiner warned, coming through the set of gates and stepping between them.  “Knock it off.”

          “What?” he asked, stepping back with his arms out.  “I was just letting Berty know that I’ll take care of his bitch if she’s too much for him.  She’s definitely something I wouldn’t mind trying out.”

          “Shut up.”  The words left Bertholdt’s mouth, quiet but raged. 

          “What, now?” Marcel asked, sneaking around Reiner and tapping Bertholdt’s chest with his hand.  “Did you say something, Bertl?  That’s the name she uses for you, right?”

          “C’mon, Marcel.  Stop.”  Reiner took another step closer to the two boys, unsure if he should separate them again or not.

          Steam started to seep from Bertholdt’s skin, radiating his anger in heat.  “I said, shut up.”  He slowly turned to face Marcel, eyes burning.

          “You wanna fight, Colossal?  Bring it.”  Marcel flipped the blade out from his ring, moving to snag his finger.

          “Boys!  Enough!”  Their commander, Zeke, stalked toward them, flanked by two scientists.  “Save it.  We need you three with level heads for today.”  He pointed to the area of trees on the far end of the field.  “Go.”

          The three boys jogged to their assigned locations, but before Bertholdt could get far enough away, he heard Marcel whisper, “But trust me, she’d be better off with me anyway.  I already got her stupid redhead friend knocked up, if you hadn’t heard.  Annie could easily be my second.”

          Bertholdt stopped in his tracks.  “If you touch her, I will kill you.”

          He was aware before that it would be impossible to get through the twelve hours with Marcel.  Now Bertholdt was sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long, guys. I was in a but of block with how to get it going and then I couldn't make it stop. This chapter was over 4000 words. 
> 
> I hope you all liked it! Tell me in a review? Pretty Please? It will hold me accountable for updating...


	8. Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is safe from their memories or their dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! I struggle so much with this chapter over the last year and a half. So I apologize for the lack of updates. But it's here and the story continues.

Rain drops hit the window ledge one at a time, sending smaller droplets shooting off in all directions.  It seemed to rain only on the bad days, and according to Annie, there were more of those than usual lately. 

Her nights were usually filled with waiting for him to come back.  It was a lonely process waiting for another person.  She sat back in her chair at the small wooden table in her kitchen, resting her small feet up on the edge.  The motion caused her knee to _pop;_ surprising her in the quiet room. 

This was one of the many nights she sat there waiting for him to come home.  It seemed to become routine after the incident a few weeks back.  Bertholdt was changing with the training.  He was stronger.  He was angrier.

Annie figured he would want to talk when he got back from training that night. Curling up with a book in the kitchen was her best bet to passing the time and forgetting about being alone.

Of the three friends, Annie and Bertholdt were the bookworms.  She had actually been the one to teach Bertholdt to read.  On the bad nights at his home, Bertholdt would run to her and they would sneak into the loft of her father’s barn.  Together they would hide under a blanket with a lantern to light the pages.  It was those days that reading connected her most to him.  They’d fallen asleep like that numerous times, only waking with the sunlight coming through the open window.

It was always a rush to get back before anyone noticed they were gone.  And she’d held his hand the whole way as they ran.

It wasn’t long before Annie started hoarding her mother’s favorite books, and several blankets and pillows in the loft, just for such nights.

Annie sighed.  As painful as some memories were, these only brought peace.  But the Bertholdt she knew now was very different from the one she knew then.

The front door creaked and Annie sat up, dropping her book in her lap.  A roll of thunder shook the window panes.  Bertholdt stood in the doorframe, his silhouette visible with a flash of lightning outside.  The breeze picked up, chilling the room. 

Annie got up to grab a towel for him, quickly wrapping it around his shoulders.  He didn’t move at all from the spot by the door, worrying Annie that things were much worse than they already seemed.  She shoved him gently away from the door so she could shut it.  “Bertholdt,” Annie whispered.  She reached a hand to this arm, resting it there.  Rain water slicked off of him, dripping to the floor.  “Bertholdt,” she repeated, “c’mon, let’s get you out of these clothes, you’ll freeze.” She tried to tug on his sleeve. 

He wouldn’t budge.

While in the past she would not have hesitated to yank him down the hall and make him listen…this time she couldn’t make herself do it.  His face looked so broken.  So angry.  So very unlike the loving, shy boy she knew.

“Bertholdt, please,” Annie begged, worry seeping into her bones.  “You’re going to get sick.”

He finally complied, lifting the edges of his shirt up and over his head.  The clothing tried desperately to cling to his body with the weight of the water. He dropped the shirt to the floor.

Another roll of thunder sounded outside, shaking the ground. 

“Annie, you love me, right?”  He said the words slow and quiet, so quiet that Annie did not hear them immediately. 

“Of course.” 

He reached a hand up to wipe some of the water from his face.  “No matter what happened in the past?  Or what will happen?”

“Yes, but why are you asking me this?” she demanded.  Annie didn’t want to give him any reason to doubt her, but his dark behavior was so uncharacteristic.  “Please get the rest of those clothes off.  You’re shivering.”

“Then…” he stopped, thinking, ignoring her, as more water dripped down his face from his dark hair. “Then I want you to tell me everything.  All that you and Reiner knew.”  He looked down into her blue eyes, and she couldn’t tell it was rain or tears in his eyes.

Annie reached a cool hand to his face.  “I told you that weeks ago!  Why now?  I mean, if that’s what you wa–”

“Not now,” Bertholdt snapped, cutting her off.  “Because tonight you’re mine.”

Suddenly he was kissing her, more force and wanting than she had ever felt from him before.  His lips were rough, and he was so wet.  She couldn’t resist him, only accepting it, reaching her other hand up to his face and brushing whatever water was there away. 

He wrapped one tan arm around her waist, and the other hand behind her neck, gripping it tightly in his palm.  Annie felt herself being backed into the lowly lit kitchen.  In a few steps, her butt hit the edge of the table, and Bertholdt’s hands moved to lift her onto it.  Her hands traced his wet body.  He shivered under her touch, a little from the cold and a little from _her_.  With his chest already bare, she moved to his pants, trying to undo the button holding them on, but his fingers stopped her.  Burning green eyes glared into hers.

Her hands went back his face, his neck, his chest.  She allowed her fingers and mouth to investigate his body as his hands started stripping her from her own clothes.  He tore off her shirt and pulled down her pants in just a few seconds, leaving her in her underwear before him. 

His eyes softened some, seeing her like this again before him.   Slowly a large hand reached up to one of her breasts, cupping it gently.  Her head leaned back taking in the feeling of his touch, and she gasped a bit when his mouth touched the skin of her collarbone.  Even though he had been soaked moments before, every place he touched her radiated warm.  She’d missed him so much, being the only one not allowed to train, being the one left alone all day with Gisa, in a house that didn’t feel like a home. 

All she wanted was her best friend by her side.  The boy she loved.

Annie looked down at his head, and wrapped her arms around him, hugging his head to her chest.  “Hi,” she said tentatively.

Bertholdt relaxed his muscles and leaned into her.  He breathed a laugh into her chest, moving to look in her eyes. “Hi.”

She didn’t want this to be one way; she so badly wanted to let him feel how she did.  Annie wanted him to know how it felt to be loved, to be wanted.  How long had he pined after her; how many years of her not giving any romantic feelings a second thought?  Her thumb started to trace his bottom lip and she curled her other hand around his shoulder.  “Are you okay now?”

Bertholdt smiled up at her, a real, genuine Bertholdt smile.  The blush she knew so well crept up his face.  “Yeah, I’m okay.  Sorry about that.  We don’t have to do anything.”

Annie continued to watch him, trying to judge his mood.  He was so angry when he left.  And even more so just then, coming in with the rain.  But the tender look in his eyes, the softness of his features were all it took to really reassure her.  “I believe you.”

His lips slowly trailed up her chest to her face, kissing the edges of her mouth, her cheeks, her eyelids.  Annie took hold of his face between her hands and directed his mouth to hers, kissing him as earnestly as she could. 

“Bertholdt,” she said, pulled back a little.  Her hands dropped to his chest.  “Are you sure you’re not tired?”

“Not tonight.”

She reached for his wrist.  “Then let’s meet in the bedroom…”

* * *

 

“So how’s the morning sickness?  Or did you not get any of that?”

“You’re funny.  And I feel absolutely awful.”  Gisa sat back in the kitchen chair with a cup of hot tea held to her lips.  “But no morning sickness.  Jokes on you, it’s too soon for that.”

Annie shrugged.  “I don’t know anything about this stuff.”

The girls sat across from each other in Giselle’s kitchen, sipping tea and discussing the finer points of their days alone.  Annie picked at a sandwich in front of her.  She adjusted in the wooden chair, her hips very sore from the night before.

“You two sure were loud last night,” Gisa mused, giving Annie a knowing eye.

“Hush, I’m not the one ‘with child.’”

Gisa smiled.  “Anyway, do you maybe want to go for a walk or something today?  I am so tired of this place already.”

“You say that every day.  And we literally take a walk every day.  Why don’t we do something different for a change?”  Annie stood from her spot at the table to take her plate to the sink.  “We could maybe… do some training?” she asked tentatively. 

Her friend’s eyes widened.  “I thought you had given up on that already?”

Annie shrugged.  “I’ve been thinking about it a lot.  It can’t be that damaging, as long as I don’t shift or overdo it.”  She turned to Gisa and leaned up against the sink.  “So same spot as before?”

Gisa smiled.

* * *

 

With each hit, Annie processed all the pain in her world.

Paradis Eldians were the most flawed of all creatures.  And titan shifters like her were created to eradicate them and fight for Marley.  This is what they were taught from the moment they entered the Warrior training.  The world would be a better place without the evils of mankind, the demons of Paradis Island.

Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie all believed it.

“How could you be important to them if your ancestors left you here?”

“Wouldn’t you rather be citizens of Marley, you demons?”

“Your humanity is nothing.”

They’d heard it all.  

Yet, nothing kept them from obeying, from falling for the trap set by the Marleyan government.   _Fight for us and your family can be a citizen.  No more compounds.  No more war._

They bought it.  And they fought hard for the privilege to not only shift into a titan, but to inherit the power of the Nine.  

It’s easy to brainwash kids who don’t know any better.  Becoming one of the Nine powerful titans had it’s drawbacks.  It meant going to war.  It meant possibly dying.  It meant losing your humanity and becoming a murderer. 

Annie led another punch straight into the flour bag.

Her mother, small but strong, was ripped away from her when she was young.  And she didn’t see her mother again until the day she needed to shift for the first time. 

Shift and come back.

Annie had been warned of the scene that would be in front of her: another human, tied by the hands and feet with chains, a gag in his/her mouth.  She would get injected a final time in the arm and then burst into her titan body for the first time.  It wouldn’t hurt, and she wouldn’t remember a thing. 

What no one had told Annie was that her mother would be the shifter sacrificed so she could change back into a human.  It was with horror in her young, teary eyes that the needle broke through her skin, too quickly to say “no!”  Annie woke with Reiner holding her head and Bertholdt her hand. 

On the empty stand where her mother had been only a single foot remained. 

Her father never told her.  Or maybe he didn’t know.

 At that moment, Annie felt her first bit of true hatred for humanity.  What made them so special to fight back and ruin the world for us?  They left us to fend for ourselves in the Titan War, to lose to Marley.  To become their slaves.  Victims to their own cause.

The feelings persisted, as countless weeks of titan training control ensued.  How long could she last?  How big could she get?  How much of Annie was still present inside the mask of a giant monster?

She was a force of destruction.  Fast, athletic, strong.  Nothing like Reiner, but the longevity of her titan was above average, and her cognition from within outdid that of many of her training team.  They said she looked like her mother’s Female Titan. 

Annie’s knuckles bled as she continued to strike the bag.

A weapon of her kind was made for the destruction of humanity, and she slowly forgot why she ever questioned otherwise.  Humans were evil and they must be destroyed for the good of all.

Or that’s what she was taught.

* * *

 

“I assumed you weren’t going to do this anymore?” Bertholdt accused as he wrapped his girlfriend’s tiny hands with bandage.  

“I needed a different activity than walking with Gisa every day.  You can’t leave me alone all day and expect me not to continue my training.”  She winced as the bandage rubber the raw skin.  “Besides, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it won’t hurt a baby.”

Bertholdt sighed, too tired to contest.  “Fine.  Do what you want.”

They sat quietly in the bedroom, the only light the flickering lantern near the bed.  While there was no thunder, a small breeze and rain flicked the windows like the night before.

Annie broke the silence first.  “How’s training?  Can you tell me about the mission?”

“Why so interested?  A few weeks ago you didn’t want to know the details…”

“Newly understood intrigue.  While I was training, I thought a bit about my mom and the first day I shifted.  At least what I remembered of it.”

“We are going to Paradis Island.  Reiner, Marcel, and me.  They want us to bring down a few of the walls.”  Bertholdt looked at Annie.  “They said this expedition may take a few years.”

“Years!?” Annie feel back on her bed, hands over her face.

“There’s a district called Shiganshina, a city that sits out of the first wall.  We have to break the first gate there… that’s my job.  Then Reiner is supposed to break down the inner wall.  Marcel is supposed to take out any weapons on the walls themselves.  The idea is that an evacuation won’t be quick enough for the population there.  Then the inner wall dwellers will lose their lands, humanity will be pushed back.”

Annie listened, understanding the importance of what he was tasked.

“They either die being eaten or at the hands of their own people.  Overpopulation and a small area, with little food, should end the reign of the island demons.”  Bertholdt quieted.  “Then we return, assuming we aren’t killed.  I get pardoned as an Eldian, treated like a hero, and we move out of the compound.”

“Until you have to give up your titan,” Annie spoke matter-of-factly, “or you die in the next 10 years.”

“Hopefully I will have the pleasure to train the future holder of my titan.”  Bertholdt got up from his chair and moved it back to wall beside the door, before joining Annie on the bed.  “There’s talk of you joining us for this expedition.  That is, Zeke is trying to convince them.”

“Obviously that won’t work,” Annie said.  “They can either have me pregnant or on the island.  They can’t have both.”

“And that is exactly why he was shot down.”

The couple remained still.  This mission would change their world forever.  But what was the cost?

“Look, Annie, let’s not dwell on this too much?  Other than your torn hands, how was your day?  I feel like I don’t ask you enough.”  Bertholdt turned to look at her.

As Annie say up, she said, “Nothing too exciting. Nothing like your day, I’m sure.  Did you kick Marcel’s ass yet?”

Bertholdt laughed.  “If I could, I would.  He’s had it coming for a while now.”  He continued to look at the tiny blond.  “But, let’s not talk about him tonight.” He leaned down to kiss her hair.  

“What should we talk about then, Bertl?” she teased.

“How about _no_ talking?”  Bertholdt grabbed her middle and pulled her onto his lap.  He wrapped his arms around her chest and tucked his chin on her shoulder.  Bertholdt began with slow kisses to her nape, his fingers tangling lightly in her golden hair.  

Annie sighed, leaning back into him.  She felt his hands trace down her arms and then up her sides, following the curves, where he finally caressed the skin of her breasts through her shirt.  Goosebumps rose on her flesh.  His kisses continued lower on her collarbone as he leaned over her. 

“I am going to get this shirt off of you, okay?”  He growled.

Her voice came out in small breaths.  “Yes.”

Slowly his fingers began undoing the buttons of her shirt.  His lips grazed her skin, following the loosened buttons.  She turned in his lap, allowing him access to her chest and straddling his hips.  Annie could feel him under her seat.  Her body reacted in time with his. 

 “Your pants are next,” he teased, biting one of her nipples.  

This elicited a loud sigh from Annie’s lips.

He tossed her from his lap, landing on her on her back against the pillows.  Bertholdt climbed on top of her.  “Ready?”

“Yes.”

* * *

 

_“Berty!” the voice called out for him._

_Bertholdt opened his eyes, but was momentarily blinded by the sun.  It was a cloudless day, bright and blue.  His hands lay under his head, as he remained supine on a grassy hill._

_“Berty!” the same voice called again._

_It was a young Annie, running up the hill toward him.   Her blond hair was long and tossed behind her like the blades of grass.  Her smile was bright._

_He sat up to greet her._

_But something was changed.  The face was all wrong.  Her hair looked like Annie’s, but her eyes were his._

_“Daddy!” the girl called, the sound different this time.  She threw herself on his lap, laughing._

Daddy? _he thought, confused.  Who was this girl?_

_Before Bertholdt could process the girl or anything else, he saw them coming from the distance.  A mob of lab coats, followed by a horde of titans._

_Including his own, the 60 meter Colossal Titan._

_Their eyes red.  Their bodies followed by a cloud of darkness._

_The titans reached them first, reaching for him and the small girl in his lap.  He couldn’t move.  All Berthold could do was watch in horror as a titan picked up the girl and slowly directed her to its mouth._

_Her screams were deafening.  She reached for him desperately._

_He could do nothing but scream and watch as the titan devoured her whole._


End file.
